Godly Masculinity

The word “masculinity” has become controversial for many, especially those who have been wounded by men who lived out a distorted, toxic version of it. Masculinity is not an excuse for recklessness, immaturity, or abuse. It’s not a “boys will be boys” mentality that permits selfishness or harm. But rejecting masculinity altogether is not the answer. Instead, men are called to step into a God-given masculinity that is strong yet self-controlled, bold yet compassionate, courageous yet humble.

God-Designed Masculinity

From the beginning, God created men and women distinctly, yet equally in His image (Genesis 1:27). Masculinity, at its best, reflects the character of God. When men walk in their God-given design, they lead, provide, protect, and love sacrificially. Yet, in a culture that either vilifies masculinity or warps it into something self-serving, many men struggle to grasp what true godly masculinity looks like.

Some chase a hollow version of masculinity, proving themselves through dominance, recklessness, or aggression—what might be called "pseudo-masculinity." Others suppress their masculine traits out of fear of being labeled toxic. But Scripture offers a different model: men who embrace their strength with responsibility, wisdom, and self-control.

Jesus: The Ultimate Example of Masculinity

Jesus embodied godly masculinity in a way that was neither passive nor abusive without compromise. He was courageous yet gentle, strong yet servant-hearted. When religious leaders dragged a woman caught in adultery before Him, seeking to trap Him in a moral dilemma (John 8:1-11), Without shouting or raising a fist, He set a firm boundary, defending the woman while exposing hypocrisy. His strength was evident, not in aggression, but in controlled authority.

Likewise, when Jesus drove corruption out of the temple (Matthew 21:12-13), He got angry but didn’t react impulsively—He took time to deliberately fashion a whip, flipped tables, and restored holiness to God’s house. His actions were not uncontrolled rage – they were a righteous, intentional act. True masculinity follows this model: knowing when to stand firm and when to extend grace.

Living Out Godly Masculinity

So how can men today reclaim and walk in a masculinity that honors God? Here are five practical takeaways:

Know Your Identity in Christ: Godly masculinity isn’t about proving yourself through external achievements or dominance. It starts with knowing who you are in Christ: a beloved son of God (Romans 8:14-17). Your strength flows from your identity, not from the need to prove yourself through performance or comparison.
Set Clear and Healthy Boundaries: Jesus knew when to engage and when to withdraw. Godly men must do the same. Boundaries are not signs of weakness but of wisdom. Proverbs 4:23 warns, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
Express Emotions with Maturity: Many men either suppress their emotions or have explosive reactions. Scripture is clear: "In your anger do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26). Godly men learn to acknowledge their emotions and express them in ways that build up rather than tear down.
Wield Strength for Good: Strength is not the problem—misusing it is. Paul exhorts men to "be strong" but also to "do everything in love" (1 Corinthians 16:13-14). Godly masculinity uses strength to serve, protect, and build up rather than dominate or control. It’s about wielding strength for the benefit of others, not for selfish gain.
Actively Pursue Brotherhood and Mentorship: Many men today grow up without strong male role models, leaving them unsure of what manhood and godly masculinity looks like. Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Brotherhood and mentorship refine a man's character, keep him accountable to God's calling, and challenge him to grow in faith and integrity.

A Call to Action

Masculinity is not the enemy. It is a God-given aspect of a man’s identity that must be shaped by God’s truth, not by culture’s confusion or society’s shifting definitions. The challenge for men today is to reclaim and live out a masculinity that is both strong and tender, bold and humble, fierce and faithful, powerful yet principled. Rather than shrinking back in fear or overcompensating in unhealthy ways, godly men walk in the footsteps of Jesus, leading with love, courage, and wisdom.

The world needs men who are willing to lead with love, courage, and integrity. It needs men who refuse to live small or passive lives. If you're ready to step into a masculinity that reflects God’s design, The Crucible Project offers a proven path forward. Through Christian men’s retreats, groups, and coaching, men are challenged to grow, confront their wounds, and become the leaders they were meant to be.

If you’re a woman reading this and feel anger, grief, or judgment rising in you because of experiences with toxic masculinity, you are not alone. Crucible women’s retreats provide a space to work through those judgments and emotions. You’ll look at what’s working in your life—and what’s not. God created you with extraordinary uniqueness—as a life-giver and encourager who is tender, tenacious, and wise. This is an opportunity to lead with purpose, passion, and power from the heart. Step into the challenge, face the hard places, and find the freedom to bless others and be a force for God’s goodness.