| February 14th, 2025

When You Feel Like a Fraud

You’re doing everything right—or at least, that’s what it looks like to everyone on the outside. You’re showing up, you’re succeeding, people respect you, and life appears solid. But inside? Inside, you feel like a fraud. Like if people really knew what was going on behind the scenes, they’d reject you. They’d see through the mask. And that thought alone keeps you locked in a cycle of proving, performing, and pretending.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." – Galatians 1:10

It’s exhausting.

Here’s the hard truth: No amount of success is going to fix that feeling. It’s not about the achievements or the praise or the image. It’s about a deep disconnect between who you’re presenting to the world and who you actually are. And if that gap keeps growing, you’re going to keep feeling like an imposter.

"People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." – 1 Samuel 16:7

The Real Cost of Playing the Role

Maybe you’re the nice guy at work who never speaks up when someone lets you down. You smile, you say, “No problem,” you take on the extra work. But inside, you’re furious. And since you won’t let that anger show at work, it spills over where it’s safe—at home. Your spouse, your kids, the people closest to you? They get the worst of you. And that only makes the shame worse. Now, not only do you feel like a fraud, but you’re also living in the fear that one day, people will see just how much you’re failing behind the scenes.

"Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body." – Ephesians 4:25

Or maybe you’re in ministry, leadership, or a high-stakes role where everyone expects you to have it all together. The pressure to be strong, to be wise, to be patient, to be kind—it’s relentless. But when you’re alone, you’re drained, frustrated, and doubting yourself more than ever. So you try to double down. You read more, pray more, work harder. But the harder you try to control it, the worse it gets. The gap doesn’t shrink. It grows. And the feeling of being stuck only deepens.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." – Matthew 11:28-29

What’s the Way Out?

It starts with honesty. Not the kind of honesty where you confess your struggles but keep them at arm’s length. The kind of honesty where you actually face what’s underneath. The emotions you’ve been stuffing. The fears you’ve been avoiding. The patterns you don’t want to admit are running your life.

You want to stop feeling like a fraud? Stop hiding. Stop pretending. Stop waiting for external success to make you feel internally whole. It won’t. The only thing that will is doing the deep work to align your outer world with your inner reality.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." – 1 John 1:8-9

Doing the Work

So what does that actually look like? It means making space for real soul work—work that sharpens you, challenges you, and pulls you into deeper integrity. It means surrounding yourself with people who won’t let you fake it, but who also won’t shame you for the struggle.

One place to do this is The Crucible Project. Whether it’s through a Christian men’s retreat, Christian women’s retreat, or coaching, stepping into that space means confronting what’s really going on beneath the surface. It means learning to handle disappointment, anger, and fear without stuffing it down or letting it explode in the wrong places. It means being willing to face the parts of yourself you’d rather ignore—so you can actually heal them.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." – Proverbs 27:17

This isn’t about fixing yourself so you can perform better. It’s about becoming whole so you can live with real freedom. It’s about being the same person in every room you walk into, no longer weighed down by the fear of being found out.

You don’t have to live like a fraud. But you do have to do the work to reclaim your integrity. So what’s stopping you?

Check out this personal story from Chris Modrzejewski who shares about reconciling the feeling of being a fraud:

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