The Journey to Gratitude
A Reflection from Pastor Tim Rush, Guest Writer and Crucible Alum
Doing a quick search recently on the internet, asking why/how our emotions show up in our bodies, I was surprised to see an agreement that our emotions come from a combination of our minds and bodies. Researchers disagree on how the recipe comes together, but they do agree on a couple of specific ingredients: our bodies feel a sensation and our minds incorporate a story. For example, my heart is racing and my hands are sweaty, therefore my mind draws from its history a story which will lead me to feel an emotion. Am I scared? Or am I excited? If this were the end of the story we would know why we feel what we feel, but we would then be condemned to repeat the same patterns from here to eternity. We would be without hope when it came to affecting actual change.
So, what if there was a better way? What if, when God created us, he knew how this system was going to operate? What if God created beautiful alternate routes, providing new pathways and opportunities to rewire our own experiences? What if he invented soul work long before we had any idea it existed?
In I Thessalonians 5:16-18, Paul tells the church that, among other things, they should give thanks to God in all circumstances. Notice the word, “ALL.” In Philippians 4:6-7, in a plea to help the church move out of anxiety and into peace, Paul says that thanksgiving will be key. In fact, moving into thanksgiving, Paul says, is a part of the process that will produce a peace that goes beyond our understanding!
So why does gratitude matter? Because giving thanks begins to change the story we tell ourselves.
For instance, I am the proud father of three wonderful children; two boys, ages 23 and 20 and a daughter, also 20. My daughter, as a student in a missionary internship program, has chosen to live in central Mexico for 18 months. Her living so far from home brings up a myriad of emotions for me. There are moments when I feel like my heart has received a direct shot of adrenaline. It races and it pounds and I recognize fear coming on line. At other times, it feels like a sharp pain pierces my chest. This pain tastes a lot like loneliness. My body experiences sensations that my mind begins to tell stories about, and the results are emotions.
But what happens when I introduce thanksgiving into the equation? What if I tell God thank you for my daughter’s bravery to make hard choices? What happens if I tell God thank you for walking with my daughter through her own loneliness, living so far away from home? Honestly, this does not erase my feelings of sadness and fear (which serve an important purpose… but that’s for another article). But it does introduce peace into the equation as I change the story I tell myself about my current situation.
There have been moments when I have tried to find gratitude and it just wasn’t there. Ten years ago our family experienced an incredible shift we did not expect. It felt like a narrative wrecker; one of those moments in time that destroyed the continuity of our family’s story. Before this shift, we thought we were living the life God had in mind for us. And the sudden end of that chapter felt incredibly disorienting, as if we must have misunderstood the book God was writing for our family.
In that season, gratitude sounded something like this: “God, thank for this trial. You and I both know that I don’t mean it. But I am trying. Help me to mean it.” And do you know what? Because I knew God’s call was to be grateful in all circumstances, and because I could be honest in my lack of thankfulness, I could then start to look for the positive in our situation. Again, it did not require or even call for an end to my anger in that season. But it did open my eyes to look for God’s participation in the story. He joined me (and my family) as we drafted a new narrative that accompanied the tension I felt in my shoulders and neck. Anger was still there, but so was my awareness of the presence of God.
So, what about your story? If you were to take a moment to catalogue the sensations in your body, could you follow those clues to discover the stories you are telling yourself? Can you see the link to your own emotions? And when you examine the stories you tell yourself, is there room to step into gratitude? Especially in those places that you find it more difficult to experience peace; could you start to tell God thank you, even if you aren’t positive you mean it yet? If you started to look for God’s presence in those places, you may find a peace that begins to rewrite your own story. You might just discover a peace that surpasses your current understanding or expectation.