5 Things Your Family Needs from You This Father's Day

Written by Roy Wooten, Executive Director of The Crucible Project

Being a dad is the greatest role I’ve ever had, but it is also the toughest thing I’ve ever done. 33 years ago, a pediatric nurse placed our newborn son into my arms for the first time and told me, “This first stage is the hardest, but it gets easier after the first 21 years.”

There was truth to her wisdom. The role of “dad” — which I still carry though my children are now grown and have children of their own — is one of great responsibility, especially in today’s culture of toxic masculinity, gender-confusion and the decline of the family structure. With such pressures, sometimes our role as dad can be hard to fulfill. But it’s not impossible.

In my work at The Crucible Project, I help fathers from all backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses and cultures work through the barriers that keep them from being the fathers they have always wanted to be—and that God has uniquely called them to be. I’ve recognized common themes that can be summed up in five things every family needs from fathers:

1. Your Presence – Show up!

Whether your family sees you in the crowd or not, your presence is vitally important. Showing up for your children’s games, recitals and school programs speaks volumes. Being present for your spouse and supporting the things they do also displays a sense of commitment and love to your children.

You will not be thinking about the extra work you put in at your job when you are on your deathbed. Your memories — or maybe your regrets — will be focused on the time spent with your family members, especially your children. Bring them into your world and go be present in their’s.

2. Your Intentionality – Father with purpose!

Attack your role as a father with the same “eye of the tiger” intensity that drives your workouts and career. Parent on purpose, not accidentally. Instead of fathering with leftover time, energy and mental alertness, prepare, plan and execute to be the father they truly need.

3. Your Relationship – Know each child!

While your children deserve the “family dad,” each also deserves a one-on-one relationship built on intentionality, trust and care. Spend time regularly alone with each child. If you have girls, take them on dates with dad. If you have boys, go fishing or find a new hobby that you can enjoy together. Find out who their friends are, what they are passionate about and how they are really doing on a deeper level. A surface level relationship can only do so much for the wellbeing of your child. Be intentional in all that you do for your children!

4. Your Example – Be the Dad you wish you had!

Even if you have a “great” dad, there are some things you may believe you want to do differently when it comes to fatherhood. We’ve all heard the term “actions speak louder than words” and when it comes to parenting, this couldn’t be more on point. What you tell your children pales in comparison to what they see you do. Being the father you really want to be begins with living a life of integrity—especially when no one is watching. Live above reproach and be a man of great character. You never know who in your family is watching and just how impactful your actions can be to those around you.

5. Your Respect – Specifically for their mother!

If you are married, the greatest gift you can give your children, besides your relationship with God, is to love their mother. Even if you do not live with their mother, they need to hear and see your respect for her. Your attention to building a healthy relationship with their mother is a powerful gift for their wellbeing.

The Gift

Dads are a gift to the family. Children are less likely to experience behavioral issues, abuse drugs and alcohol and face legal difficulties when dad is involved. In fact, we see that kids with present and loving fathers experience a better quality of life and wellbeing.

As we celebrate Father’s Day, I want to encourage men to focus on and implement these five practices in their own lives because the impact is life-changing—not only for your but for the entire family.