Compass Resources for a Culture of Confusion for Godly Men
Written by Roy Wooten, Executive Director of The Crucible Project
What a mess it is to be a man today. We live in a divided culture where young men are either asked to deny all that is masculine about themselves or champion and promote an unrealistic version of John Wayne.
One factor is the lack of a presence of a father or male figure present in many young boys’ lives. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 17.6 million children live without a biological, step- or adoptive father in the home. We know this deeply impacts boys on an emotional, mental and spiritual level.
Without strong male role models, the line between boy and man is confused by cultural definitions. Young men struggling to find success with work and women end up spending all their time finding faux success in the virtual worlds of gaming and porn. Adult males in their 30s are failing to launch, still living with parents or on their dime.
What can be done to help boys step into manhood and pursue godliness and righteousness? This is the very issue we aim to tackle at The Crucible Project where a community of Christian men bestow manhood on those who complete the initial retreat. I am blessed to watch men, retreat after retreat, remove the barriers that are keeping them from being the man they are called to be.
In my experience, I have recognized five common ways to becoming a Godly man in a culture of confusion that points toward being more like Jesus.
- Know and Love Yourself
While this doesn’t sound very Christian, I believe there are things that we hide, repress and deny about ourselves that ultimately lead us down a path of destruction. Having these realities out of sight doesn’t mean they are not there. Too frequently we are ashamed about how we love our neighbors when we are doing what Jesus told us to do: loving them as we love ourselves. We must know ourselves deeply, even the qualities that we try to deny or hide, to begin to love ourselves well enough to love our neighbors well—scripture’s greatest command.
- Love Well
In scripture, we see that women and children were drawn to Jesus, and that they felt safe around Him. He loved His apostles so well that they followed Him beyond the grave. He was not prone to addictions, seeking love in all the wrong places. Jesus enjoyed creation and beauty, noticing nature as He lived. He was brave enough to show His tears when someone He loved died. Love is not weak or anti-masculine. In fact, it is the exact opposite. If we want to be men of character, full of love and empathy, we must love as Jesus loved.
- Set Boundaries
Sometimes we think about Jesus as passive and meek. But He was powerful enough to drive the money changers out of the temple. He was strong enough to walk through a crowd who wanted to kill Him because He hurt their swine business. He was brave enough to set a boundary that kept a mob from stoning a woman. We believe God has called us to be warriors who stand up and fight for what is right. We set healthy boundaries that fit our values and integrity.
- Be Wise
Oftentimes, Jesus withdrew from the crowd and His followers to find perspective and talk to God alone. He was crafty in how He answered questions, almost always answering with another question. He was wise enough to see through the manipulation of the religious leaders of the day. We want to be wise sages that are able to step back and prayerfully consider our next steps before taking action.
- Lead Well
Jesus kept His mission in front of Him. He steeled His face toward Jerusalem and made decisions that would outlast his lifetime. Yes, we want to be like Jesus and lead those who follow us well—casting vision, bringing order out of chaos and making a long-term impact. We do not want to be tyrants, controlling those who follow us. We do not want to be manipulative of our followers to serve our own interests above that of the better good. We want to be good kings who lead well, like Jesus led.
Jesus said, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” When we lean into being like Jesus, many of the cultural pressures on masculinity and manhood lose their influence. Within each man, this cultures darkness will be overwhelmed by Jesus’ light every time. And each man, as he lets his light shine, will impact the lives around him, impacting this dark culture for good
Want to hear more? Check out this Real Christian Manhood series episode about Toxic vs. Godly Masculinity: