Living In Balance


On a Crucible Project initial weekend, we briefly mention the four parts of a man (King, Lover, Sage, and Warrior). We point out how Jesus was perfect in each of these areas. If one does follow-up work after an initial weekend (groups, staffing, second level weekends, training, 2-year program) that person has an opportunity to further explore how these areas “show up” in a man’s (more specifically, his) life.

Sometimes I see a mistake being made as some compare these parts to personality types (DISC, Myers-Briggs, etc.).  A man may say, “I’m a Sage,” not realizing that he is only high in Sage, or better explained; Sage is his first “go to” when living life.  However, the four parts are not personality types. Each of us have all four parts wired into our being.  Life circumstances have created situations where being higher in some and lower in others helped us to navigate those circumstances. Therefore, we have strengthened some parts at the expense of others. Part of our work is to move toward being balanced in all four areas … like Jesus.

Erica Ariel Fox has written a great book; Winning from Within (she actually calls the King “the Dreamer” and the Sage “the Thinker”) to guide people toward this balance. In her book, she gives real-world examples on how her clients currently utilize only parts of themselves and begins a process of helping them balance all four parts of themselves.

My life circumstances led me to call on my Sage more than any other part.  When I was young, my King in me would have dreams, expectations, and desires. Every time I would begin to move toward fulfillment, I was met discouragement.  So, I would call on my Warrior and would use unhealthy anger to get what I want.  As one would expect, that did not bode well with my authority figures in my life.  All of this would be too painful, and so I would shut down my Lover part of me so I would not have to feel. My Warrior part would become a victim and I began to think my way through things (Sage). I would manipulate or be dumb.

Now, a middle-aged man, I have realized that this approach is no longer working for me. Along comes a group of men — Crucible Project men — who help me see how I am living life.  A group of men who help me see God loves all of me, even if I don’t.  I am now in process toward living in balance.

This all had to begin with my dreams, wants, desires, expectations.  I could not touch those.  They had been banished too far away. After some work, I have begun to realize what it is that I want within God’s purpose.  I began the following process which, by the way, can be applied in every aspect of life.  In fact, when looking at Jesus, he followed this process.

  • First: The want(s), desire(s), dream(s), and/or expectation(s) need to be identified. This comes from the King in you. This may take some time and guidance.  Identify what it is you want. The Crucible Project has coaches, groups, programs, and mentors within reach to help you if needed.
  • Second: Once your want is identified, step toward fulfilling it. This comes from the Sage (the thinker) in you. This part is developing the action plan.  What will it take to meet my expectations?  What is getting my way?
  • Third: Now, it’s time to make it happen.  Step in and do it!  This is driven by the Warrior in you. The Warrior energy allows us to make our dreams come true.  This is the healthy way we carry out our action plan.
  • Finally: Invite the Lover in you to come along.  This is your consideration of others – and – the little boy in you.  How do you get what you want as you consider the emotional needs of both those around you and the little boy inside you?

Where might you be living out of balance?  Begin small, but apply this process to a life circumstance.  Begin with an expectation.  Create and action plan around that expectation.  Take action on that expectation.  And, consider others’ and your emotional needs along the way.  I think you will find you are living like Jesus when you do.

God’s blessings on your journey.

By Byron Myers

Byron completed his initial Crucible weekend in 2009. His deepest desire is to help people believe in their God-given goodness and live lives of integrity, authenticity and feel loved and accepted.Byron is the author of the ebook, Weekly Devotional Thoughts:  Weekly Applications of God’s Word. Byron is the High School Principal at Midland Christian School in Midland, TX.Byron is the High School Principal at Midland Christian School in Midland, TX and a successful Business and Personal Life Coach. Byron at Weekly Devotional Thoughts.

Photo Credit: Pung Kreatif via Creative Commons