| April 9th, 2015

The One Missing Step to Letting God Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs

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You can probably relate to feeling like you have a limiting belief you need to “get rid of”…  A belief like:

  • I can never have the success I desire, or
  • I can never have the closeness with my wife I want, or
  • I have to accept being out of shape or overweight.

In the face of these beliefs, we look for a fix.

  • We may take the issue to our men’s group to set a boundary with the voice inside of us that that says “You can’t do it, you can’t have the life you long for.”
  • We may set up an accountability partner or coach to help us behave only in ways that are consistent with the belief that we wish we had, or
  • We may read Scripture or talk to friends to try to get affirmation for ourselves.

We do all this to help ourselves overcome the limiting belief and to help ourselves behave in a new way. But as it turns out, these actions are not enough.

Because there’s something important we don’t do with all the boundary-setting, coaching and encouragement. We don’t find the part of ourselves that is discouraged, and hurting. And we don’t bring that part to God’s love. For instance . .. If you know you should lose weight, but have failed over and over, part of you is going to start believing that no matter what you do, you can’t achieve better health.

That part of you is discouraged. You are facing an impossible quandary: You have to do it—after all, you have to take care of your health—but you’ve seen that you can’t do it. That quandary is the core of all our limiting beliefs. Living with that quandary hurts. It’s heartbreaking. And none of the approaches we normally take—setting boundaries, having accountability, or getting affirmation—address the part of you that is heartbroken and that has given up.

YOU HAVE TO BRING LOVE TO THE PART THAT HAS GIVEN UP.

Here’s the big secret:

If you want to change a long-standing limiting belief, you have to find the part of yourself that has bought the idea that there’s no way forward, and open that part of yourself to God’s love.

  • It’s not about getting rid of the part of you that has given up,
  • It’s not about scolding that part,
  • It’s not about learning to ignore that part,
  • It’s not about overcoming that part, and
  • It’s not about doing some sort of “end run” around that part

It’s what we almost always forget to do: Opening the part of you that is discouraged, and that has given up, to God’s love—without trying to change or get rid of that discouraged part.

If you are trying to lose weight, for instance (as so many of my coaching clients are), you need to find the part of yourself that has become convinced that it’s pointless to even try to get the pounds off.

That’s the part that’s telling you that you might as well not even try. And that part of you is hurting. So instead of trying to “overcome” that part, get to know it. Open it up to God’s love. As you do that, you may experience of God’s love and mercy and compassion and grace for you, even when you are discouraged and hurting and can’t see a way forward. You may feel Him holding that part of you, and encouraging that discouraged part of yourself. And if you stay with that love, that discouraged part of you will be transformed. It will go from being helpless to being hopeful.

You will begin to experience the truth that “with God all things are possible”—even when we’ve become discouraged ourselves and can’t see how we can ever get to where we want to go.

So if you want to make a really big change, accountability and setting boundaries and affirmation is not enough. You need to find the part of yourself that is discouraged and has given up, and allow that part to feel God’s love. That’s what it takes to change long-standing limiting beliefs.

– By Dmitri Bilgere

Dmitri Bilgere is working on a program to help Christian men whole-heartedly take the action they need to lose weight and create better health. If you want to be notified when that becomes available, or if you want individual coaching from him, please email db@dbweb.org. Dmitri is author of “Gateways to God: Remove your Roadblocks and Live His Love,” and is a Crucible leader who has been running workshops since 1989. Learn more about Dmitri. 

Photo Credit: Davi Ozolin (via Creative Commons)