Be the One They Always Remember
Be the One They Always RememberDecember 2024
Inviting someone to experience the Crucible Project is more than just a gesture—it’s a life-changing opportunity. For David Breyette, the invitation came from Jeff Madsen, a close friend and fellow Elder at their church. Jeff had invited David to the retreat several times, and each time David hesitated. But when he finally went in November 2012, it was a turning point in his life.
"I was in a really good place externally, but internally, things just weren’t lining up," David reflects. "I realized my life wasn’t working anymore. I didn’t know why, but I needed to figure it out." That was the moment he accepted Jeff's invitation and entered the retreat with a heart open to change.
David’s experience was profound. He discovered many aspects of himself, particularly the things he had kept in shadow: anger, trust issues, and feelings of not being good enough or lovable. He’d spent much of his life hiding these parts of himself, but his Crucible retreat gave him the space to confront them. "The weekend just scratched the surface, but I touched my shadow and started doing the work around it," he shares.
After the retreat, David dove into a two-year program, attended second-level weekends, and staffed a few retreats. But it wasn’t until later that he realized the anger he thought he had dealt with was still lingering in shadow. It took time and continued work, but David kept pressing into the process.
Fast forward to 2019. David had relocated to western New York and found himself missing the Crucible community he had come to depend on. Not one to shy away from challenging himself, he started staffing weekends in Connecticut and Virginia, even as he worked to build a new community in the Finger Lakes region. As a result, David has been able to watch the same transformation happen in other men’s lives that he experienced all those years ago.
"I’ve seen the difference in my own life and in the lives of other men," he says, reflecting on the six men from his area—three of whom are his sons—who attended Crucible weekends in August. "We’ve all become closer as a family. We can have difficult conversations now that we wouldn’t have been able to have before."
But for all of David’s transformation, he never forgets who helped make it happen. "If Jeff hadn’t invited me, I don’t know if I would have ever found Crucible," he admits. "Jeff was always the guy who found the next best thing and shared it with everyone. He was so passionate about it because he knew how impactful it would be."
David’s story is a reminder of the profound power of one simple invitation. He continues to challenge himself and others to keep inviting, because you never know when it’s someone’s time to step in and do the work.
"A great question I learned from another Redwood about inviting people is to ask, ‘What is it costing you NOT to do this work?’" David advises. "We often talk about the cost of the weekend, but the bigger question is what’s the cost to someone’s life if they don’t step into the healing and transformation this work offers?"
David knows the difference that one invitation can make—both in his own life and in the lives of those he’s brought into the Crucible community. As he continues to staff retreats with his sons, he’s witnessing firsthand the power of transformation that happens when a group of men come together, do the work, and support one another in their journeys.
To the Redwoods, David offers a challenge: Be the one they always remember. Be the one who invites the man who is ready to step into his purpose, heal his wounds, and grow into the man he’s meant to be.
"Keep inviting people," David says. "You never know when it’s their time to step in and do the work."
Check out this resource for inviting others to a Crucible retreat:
The Journey to Gratitude
The Journey to GratitudeNovember 2024
A Pastoral Reflection from Redwood Tim Rush, Equipping Minister at Memorial Drive Church of Christ in Tulsa, OK
Doing a quick search recently on the internet, asking why/how our emotions show up in our bodies, I was surprised to see an agreement that our emotions come from a combination of our minds and bodies. Researchers disagree on how the recipe comes together, but they do agree on a couple of specific ingredients: our bodies feel a sensation and our minds incorporate a story. For example, my heart is racing and my hands are sweaty, therefore my mind draws from its history a story which will lead me to feel an emotion. Am I scared? Or am I excited? If this were the end of the story we would know why we feel what we feel, but we would then be condemned to repeat the same patterns from here to eternity. We would be without hope when it came to affecting actual change.
So, what if there was a better way? What if, when God created us, he knew how this system was going to operate? What if God created beautiful alternate routes, providing new pathways and opportunities to rewire our own experiences? What if he invented soul work long before we had any idea it existed?
In I Thessalonians 5:16-18, Paul tells the church that, among other things, they should give thanks to God in all circumstances. Notice the word, “ALL.” In Philippians 4:6-7, in a plea to help the church move out of anxiety and into peace, Paul says that thanksgiving will be key. In fact, moving into thanksgiving, Paul says, is a part of the process that will produce a peace that goes beyond our understanding!
So why does gratitude matter? Because giving thanks begins to change the story we tell ourselves.
For instance, I am the proud father of three wonderful children; two boys, ages 23 and 20 and a daughter, also 20. My daughter, as a student in a missionary internship program, has chosen to live in central Mexico for 18 months. Her living so far from home brings up a myriad of emotions for me. There are moments when I feel like my heart has received a direct shot of adrenaline. It races and it pounds and I recognize fear coming on line. At other times, it feels like a sharp pain pierces my chest. This pain tastes a lot like loneliness. My body experiences sensations that my mind begins to tell stories about, and the results are emotions.
But what happens when I introduce thanksgiving into the equation? What if I tell God thank you for my daughter’s bravery to make hard choices? What happens if I tell God thank you for walking with my daughter through her own loneliness, living so far away from home? Honestly, this does not erase my feelings of sadness and fear (which serve an important purpose… but that’s for another article). But it does introduce peace into the equation as I change the story I tell myself about my current situation.
There have been moments when I have tried to find gratitude and it just wasn’t there. Ten years ago our family experienced an incredible shift we did not expect. It felt like a narrative wrecker; one of those moments in time that destroyed the continuity of our family’s story. Before this shift, we thought we were living the life God had in mind for us. And the sudden end of that chapter felt incredibly disorienting, as if we must have misunderstood the book God was writing for our family.
In that season, gratitude sounded something like this: “God, thank for this trial. You and I both know that I don’t mean it. But I am trying. Help me to mean it.” And do you know what? Because I knew God’s call was to be grateful in all circumstances, and because I could be honest in my lack of thankfulness, I could then start to look for the positive in our situation. Again, it did not require or even call for an end to my anger in that season. But it did open my eyes to look for God’s participation in the story. He joined me (and my family) as we drafted a new narrative that accompanied the tension I felt in my shoulders and neck. Anger was still there, but so was my awareness of the presence of God.
So, what about your story? If you were to take a moment to catalogue the sensations in your body, could you follow those clues to discover the stories you are telling yourself? Can you see the link to your own emotions? And when you examine the stories you tell yourself, is there room to step into gratitude? Especially in those places that you find it more difficult to experience peace; could you start to tell God thank you, even if you aren’t positive you mean it yet? If you started to look for God’s presence in those places, you may find a peace that begins to rewrite your own story. You might just discover a peace that surpasses your current understanding or expectation.
Celebrating Veterans
Celebrating VeteransOctober 2024
As Veterans Day approaches, we want to take a moment to honor and express our heartfelt gratitude to all of our Redwoods who have served in the Armed Forces, as well as those who have supported loved ones in service. Your sacrifices, whether on the front lines or at home, have made an impact that goes far beyond what can be seen. We recognize the strength, courage, and resilience it takes to serve, and we are deeply thankful for the role you play in protecting our freedom and embodying the values of leadership and service that we hold dear.
The following story recounts the powerful journey of two Redwoods, Josh and Sam, who discovered during an initial Crucible retreat that they had unknowingly served side by side, their paths crossing in ways only later revealed.
When Sam first arrived at his Crucible retreat earlier this year, he carried a heavy burden. For over a decade, he had been haunted by the memory of a critical decision he made during his time in the military. It was a decision that saved many lives, but one that left him with unresolved guilt and deep emotional scars. His wife had attended a Crucible retreat and encouraged him to attend his own, knowing firsthand the healing it could offer. Eventually, Sam agreed, though he wasn’t sure what to expect.
Josh, another veteran, came to his Crucible retreat in 2022 with his own struggles. He suffered from severe PTSD and wrestled with the weight of the missions he had led, questioning his worth and whether he was deserving of God’s grace. Before Crucible, Josh had often wondered if the decisions he made during his time in the military would keep him from the forgiveness and love he longed for.
During Sam’s initial retreat, he found himself wrestling with God about his deepest wounds and experiences. As he opened up about a difficult mission where he had to make a life-or-death call, he revealed the lasting impact that decision had on him. Although Josh was serving in a different room during the retreat, another staff member introduced them, recognizing their shared military background.
As the two veterans began talking, they soon realized they not only had served at the same time and in similar places, they also discovered they had been part of the same military operation that haunted both of them in different ways. Sam’s decision to eliminate a threat during that mission had directly saved the lives of Josh and the team he led. The more they spoke, the clearer it became that their lives had been intertwined in ways they never imagined. It was a moment of revelation that left both men in awe.
For Sam, the connection brought a sense of closure and healing. What he had carried as a burden for so many years transformed into something else entirely—a recognition that his actions had saved lives, including Josh’s. His nightmares, which had plagued him for over a decade, began to fade, replaced by a new sense of peace.
For Josh, the experience was equally profound. Having struggled with feelings of guilt and unworthiness, he found a deep sense of relief in knowing that the very decision Sam made had protected him and his team. It wasn’t just a chance encounter; it was, in Josh’s words, the Holy Spirit at work, bringing their paths together in a way that was undeniably powerful.
Their connection didn’t end there. Sam and Josh have since become friends, regularly checking in with each other and continuing their journeys of healing and growth, even attending a second-level retreat together. The shared story between them is one that continues to shape their lives. Through Crucible, both men found something they didn’t know they needed: connection, healing, and a deeper understanding of God’s presence in their lives. For Josh, Crucible became a place where he could finally release the fear of judgment and embrace God’s love and grace fully. His newfound faith has allowed him to shine a light for others who are still struggling in darkness, just as he once was.
Sam and Josh’s story is a powerful example of how Crucible creates space for unexpected connections. It brings people together, often in ways that are beyond coincidence, offering a place of safety and vulnerability where healing can take root. Crucible was not just a retreat for these veterans—it was the beginning of a new chapter after a difficult journey through pain and uncertainty, a shared path where their stories of struggle and resilience found purpose and healing in each other’s lives.