Men’s Updates

When I’m sitting in therapy with a man and I ask him how he's doing, I almost always get a variation on one of three answers: "Fine," "Busy," or "Good, you?" When I ask him what he's feeling, I often get a long pause followed by another variant of one of those three answers. Sometimes, I have to press a man for three or four rounds before we get to a SASHET emotion.

In my experience, this isn't evasion, at least not usually. For many men, the honest answer to "What are you feeling?" is genuinely I don't know.

What the research says

In the early 1990s, psychologist Ronald Levant noticed something interesting. His male patients struggled not so much with expressing their emotions as with identifying them in the first place. He borrowed a clinical term, alexithymia (Greek for "without words for feelings"), and added an important modifier: normative.

Normative male alexithymia is a pattern into which many boys are directly socialized. From early on, many of us receive a clear, if unspoken, directive: certain feelings are acceptable (happiness, pride, certain types of anger, maybe excitement during a playoff game), and many others are not. Over time, our awareness of our own emotions and our vocabulary to describe those emotions simply atrophy like an unused muscle.

And this happens early. One study showed that by the time boys are age 4 or 5 (right around the time they begin school), mothers start to become less accurate at reading emotions on their sons’ faces because the boys are already starting to learn to restrain their emotions.

This dynamic is so prominent that I often have to openly address it when I’m starting therapy with a man: “It’s weird for two dudes to be sitting down talking about feelings, huh?” Almost every time I say this, the man relaxes his shoulders, nods, and chuckles a bit.

"The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out." — Proverbs 18:15

Unfortunately, we cannot name what we cannot find.

Why this matters more than you think

Men with high normative male alexithymia tend to look fine on the outside: They function, they provide, they lead. But the research tells a different story underneath. They have higher rates of depression and they let mental and physical health concerns go unaddressed longer. Physical stress symptoms accumulate. Relationships suffer a quiet erosion because genuine intimacy requires knowing what you're feeling well enough to share it. The burden often shifts to the spouse or partner to interpret what the man is actually feeling.

The cruel part is that the man usually interprets all of this as a character flaw. He knows something's off, but he just can't find the words for it, which of course is the whole problem.

A skill, not a sentence

The good news is that men can develop greater emotional awareness at any age with enough practice in the right conditions. What are those conditions? In short, community. Safe relationships. Honest conversation. The repeated experience of watching another man name something real and feeling something in himself go, “Yeah, that.” It’s why we raise a hand during check-ins when we agree with another man.

Paul writes in Galatians 6 that we are meant to carry each other's burdens. That's not poetry. That's a design spec.

What begins to shift

Men who enter therapy and participate in communities that normalize emotional honesty often describe an experience of something loosening. Not because someone handed them a feelings chart (though don’t knock it ‘til you try it), but because another man said something true and it resonated in a place whose name had been long forgotten.

In my therapy practice, I use the SASHET model of feelings all the time. By giving men a “menu” to order from, I give them opportunities to reconnect the pipelines between the emotion-feeling and emotion-describing parts of the brain. But just like you can’t expect to get swole with a single benchpress, reps matter.

This is the beginning of emotional literacy, and once it begins, men are often surprised by what becomes available: less reactivity, more presence, a closer marriage, a better relationship with their kids.

Making room

Human beings are designed for community, and wounds that were created in community must also be healed in community. This community can be small, like a one-on-one meeting in a therapy office. The community can be just a few, like taking the risk to be a bit more honest when your poker buddies ask how things are going. Or community can be dozens strong, like taking the risk to try a Crucible retreat or a men’s group or a church small group.

If you've spent years not quite able to name what's happening inside you, you're not alone. There's even a name for it.

And there's a way forward.

Colorado Redwood, Dr. Ryan Poling is a licensed psychologist at Redwood Psychologyspecializing in men’s issues, marriage counseling, executive coaching, and psychological assessment in 43 states across the country.

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What’s Keeping You Out of the Game?

Every Redwood knows what it feels like to step onto the field.

They remember the courage it took to attend their first retreat. They remember the risk of telling the truth they do not want others to know. They remember naming parts of their shadow they had hidden for years. They remember what it felt like to move from spectator to being in the game.

Some Redwoods are not in the game anymore.  Some aren’t even on the field right now. Some may feel like they’re on injured reserve. Life has taken a hit. A loss. A disappointment. A season of exhaustion. Others may not feel injured at all—just distracted. Busy. Comfortable. Watching from the sidelines while other Redwoods lead, serve, and engage.

Research around community engagement consistently shows something simple: the longer people spectate, the harder it is to re-enter. Momentum works both ways. We drift more easily than we decide. It’s not usually rebellion that sidelines someone. It’s inertia.

Hebrews 12:1 says, “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Notice that the writer assumes there are things that hinder. We all carry them. Fatigue. Shame. Disappointment. Comparison. Fear of being needed too much—or not needed at all.

The question isn’t whether something is hindering. The question is whether it will keep you out of the game. Some Redwoods need healing before they re-engage. That’s real. If you’re limping, tend to the wound. But many aren’t injured—they’re simply disengaged. And the way back in doesn’t require a dramatic gesture. It requires one small step.

• Reach out to another Redwood and grab coffee.
• Attend a regional gathering or the Annual Gathering in Houston!
• Join a soul group again.
• Register for a Men’s or Women’s Second Level retreat and go deeper.
• Volunteer to serve on the staff of a retreat team.
• Offer your business skills to support Crucible’s back office.
• Step into the Leader Track and become certified as a Growth Group Leader, Retreat Leader, or Carpet Leader.
• Grab a Crucible Coach.
• Volunteer to lead an Exploration Group
• Volunteer to help promote Crucible in your region!
• Even something as simple as engaging our Facebook or Instagram posts instead of scrolling past them is a way of saying,I’m still here.

Redwoods know something the world often forgets: when you serve, you receive. When you show up for others, something in you comes alive again. Jesus said, “Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:25).

Engagement isn’t just about helping the ministry. It’s about safeguarding your own soul. You don’t get stronger by watching others lift the weight. You don’t grow braver by sitting on the couch. And you didn’t go through your retreat so you could retire from the journey.

Some of you need rest. But many of you simply need to move. Get off the sidelines. Lace up your shoes. Take one step toward the community that helped change your life. The game is still on. You are needed!

 

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20 Year History: The Earliest Days of The Crucible Project

From 2002 until 2005, the Dare to Soar Men’s retreat—what would become The Crucible Project—operated under Crucible Founder Greg Huston’s private coaching business.  As mentioned in the previous article, to reach more Christ-following men and enlarge the volunteer base, Greg knew the work needed to incorporate as a not-for-profit.

Greg invited Willow Creek Church minister Judson Poling and psychologist Andrew Hartman to serve as founding board members.  Much of the discussion in 2006-2008 centered around the development of four new retreats, which would be part of a Two Year Transformational Program. Greg also wanted to train other men to lead retreats, groups and do coaching.

Dare to Soar and Leadership Replication

During the first year of The Crucible Project, the weekends were still called “Dare to Soar”. Those who completed the retreat received a “Dare to Soar” graduation certificate, though the weekends were no longer operated by Greg alone. The small organization ran three initial retreats in Chicago that year. By 2007, there were four.

While the ministry has overseen all initial weekends since 2006, the groups, coaching and newly-developing second-level weekends were still under Greg’s business. The founding board members and the volunteers who served knew at some point, the Crucible Project needed to run everything: initial weekends, second-level weekends, groups, coaching and trainings.

Greg was keenly aware of the need to mentor more leaders. He began working with Judson and Bob Locascio to help lead groups and equip them to be retreat and carpet leaders. By 2008, he also added Chris Mosher to the small “leaders-in-training” cadre, pouring into them and giving his leadership away.

Developing a Two-Year Program

Greg’s vision for the Two-Year Program built upon the groups and coaching he was doing. It would include four additional retreats to be held about every six months. He contracted withJudson and therapist Jan Hook to develop these new, transformational experiences.

Greg decided to begin with a retreat focused on mission and purpose.  During the second half of 2005, Greg, Judson and Jan met in person every few weeks, dreaming up exercises and teachings—and practicing on each other—to help men develop their personal mission statement and move into living it out. This inaugural second-level retreat was held in January 2006 in southern Wisconsin.

Understandably, Greg, Judson, and Jan were excited—and terrified—to launch a completely new weekend. On a cold, January night as all the participants had arrived and were in the meeting room waiting for the first process to begin, Judson remembers being outside with Greg andtelling him, “Well, Brother, we have jumped out of the airplane. No going back to the airportnow.  Let’s hope these parachutes work!”

Leading by Faith

With all of the development of new programs and the continued discussion of how to transitionGreg’s private coaching business into the ministry, these early years were challenging. Fees alone were not covering costs, and there was no surplus to invest in hiring part-time staff and building systems to better train and serve volunteers and carry the work beyond Chicago.

Humbled by a sense of the Holy Spirit’s guidance, by faith, the leaders pulled off the first Mission retreat, and it was a resounding success (the parachutes worked!).  By faith, they developed three more retreats and took them out for a spin. Greg’s remarkable vision combined with Jan and Judson’s expertise enabled the core intellectual property to be created—the foundation of the materials we still use today. Of course, many refinements have been added and feedback continues to help improve both the volunteer and participant experience.

Yet almost two decades ago, by December of 2008, the Two-Year Program was operational and had graduated its first cohort. Greg was no longer the sole retreat and group leader—and more leaders were up and coming. The Crucible Project was offering four initial retreats annually. And history was about to be made again: planning the first initial retreat outside of Chicagoland.

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Pause to Reflect

December 2025

As this year draws to a close, you are invited into a sacred practice that society rarely encourages: reflection. Honest, grace-filled, God-centered reflection. David models this when he prays, “Search me, O God, and know my heart… See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23–24). Reflection is not self-condemnation. It is invitation. It is the doorway into deeper awareness, deeper freedom, and deeper intimacy with God.

Too often we rush from one year to the next without taking time to ask the questions that help us grow. But transformation does not happen automatically. It happens when we pause long enough for God to show us what was true, what was beautiful, what was hard, and what still needs healing.

Before 2025 slips away, here are a few questions to guide your reflection. Take them slowly. Pray through them. Let your heart answer honestly.

1. Where did I experience God’s goodness this year? Think about the small moments as well as the big ones. Where did God surprise you, comfort you, strengthen you, or speak to you?
2. Where was I stretched or refined? Growth often comes disguised as frustration, conflict, or challenge. What situations required courage, truth-telling, boundaries, humility, or forgiveness?
3. Where did I hide, avoid, or disengage? There’s no shame here. We all have moments where our shadow shows up. Recognizing these patterns is what allows them to change.
4. What relationships were strengthened? Which ones need care? Reflection helps us steward the people God has entrusted to us.
5. What did God teach me about myself? What did He teach me about Himself? Pay attention to the themes. Often God is shaping us in ways we only notice in hindsight.

As you reflect, resist the temptation to judge yourself. God’s heart is not condemnation—His heart is formation. He wants you to see your life through His eyes: truthfully, compassionately, and with hope for what is still being redeemed.

And remember: growth is not linear. You may have taken steps backward this year. You may have had victories followed by setbacks. You may wonder if you’re any farther along than you were in January. But transformation is often like the growth rings in a tree—quiet, slow, deep, and sometimes invisible to the naked eye.

Let your reflection be an act of worship. Invite God into the remembering. Sit with what was good. Name what was hard. Honor what was lost. Celebrate what was gained. And bring it all into the light of Jesus.

As you look back on 2025, may Christ meet you in every memory—with truth, grace, and the gentle invitation to keep becoming who He created you to be.

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Greg Huston’s Legacy of Leadership

In 2026, The Crucible Project celebrates its 20th year of ministry—two decades of Christ-followers encountering truth, grace, and transformation. As we mark this milestone, it is fitting to pause and honor the vision, courage, and leadership of our founder, Greg Huston, who laid the foundation for all that’s to come.

Greg launched this work in 2002, initially inspired by his own journey: after years of pastoral ministry and deep personal searching, he realized there was something more needed for Christians—a place to engage their hearts, souls and identities in honest community.  From those earliest retreats in Chicagoland, the ministry grew—with Greg leading through to 2015 and more than 1,700 men impacted under his 13-year direct leadership.  His story is not just one of starting something—it is one of replicating a model and empowering others.

“Greg Huston’s leadership is rare. His selfless vision to take this powerful soul work to Christ-followers everywhere required letting go of his ego by replicating his leadership. The leadership replication process he envisioned is in full force today allowing this work to expand to the ends of the earth.” — Roy Wooten

What does that mean in practice? Greg didn’t simply lead the ministry with a “single-point” approach. He developed a pattern of community, calling, equipping, and releasing leaders. He moved his private practice, Dare to Soar, into a public nonprofit, The Crucible Project.  In early 2026, he moved from a one man’s program to a movement carried by a board of directors and countless volunteers.  By committing to this replication of leadership, the ministry could grow beyond a single location—and it did.

Today, as the ministry has expanded from coast to coast, across the U.S. and into Australia, Mexico, Kenya and Rwanda, we are seeing the fruit of Greg’s legacy. Local leaders are stepping up, retreat communities are flourishing, and men and women are encountering a depth of truth and transformation previously unavailable in the faith community. More than ever, we recognize that legacy is not simply what one person builds—it’s what many carry forward.

As we enter year 20, our gratitude for Greg’s leadership is deeply anchored in the fact that his vision continues to move forward. This celebration is not just about past accomplishments—it’s about the momentum, the trajectory, and the generations of men and women who will walk free because his selfless replication created capacity for the work to expand globally.

His leadership legacy invites all of us into two embraceable postures: gratitude and participation. We are grateful for what’s been built. And we are invited into participation—to serve, to lead, to replicate. The question is not only “What has been done?” but “What will we do next?”

Greg laid the groundwork. The baton is now in our hands. The path is clear: expand this powerful soul work, equip Redwoods into leadership, and watch the work spread. As we honor Greg’s legacy, let’s commit to carrying it forward into the next 20 years—together.

By the way, Greg and Toni still support the ministry he launched and are enjoying their retirement in the Greater Atlanta area.

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Crucible Elder Retreat Invitation

As you approach retirement or perhaps already are retired - what's next for you? Golf, pickle ball, hanging out with family and enjoying rest from work?

Are you open to a challenge?

The "second half" of life is a lot different from the first half of life - or it should be. The first half we work our butts off - building our families, our careers, our image and ego. The second half is not about building, but letting go. From the solid foundation of what we've built, from the soul work we've done, in the second half we look out to see how we can begin to give away what we've worked to build.

Maybe we give away resources, but maybe it's time, our presence, wisdom, compassion, and love. We begin to let go of dualistic, black and white thinking, and ask "why" questions to connect, to understand, and to empathize. We pass on wisdom, not advice. We bless instead of pushing or challenging. We engage for redemptive purposes, not to fix or correct.

If this kind of path resonates with you, I invite you to consider attending Crucible's Elder Retreat. It's about living well, purposefully, and intentionally in our remaining years as a man. In a way, it's like the second level "Mission Weekend" for old dudes.

The accommodations are geared to be relaxing - not challenging. The weekend is NOT an ordeal. We go to bed at a reasonable time and enjoy good food at every meal. It's only open to men who are at this stage of life and typically over 60.

October 2-6 in Algoma, Wisconsin

To learn more, go here: Elders

On behalf of the US Elder Retreat Leaders,

Scott Larson, Chris Cleghorn, and Bill Snyder