What’s Happening

In April, we held two women’s Crucible retreats, hosted by the Houston, Texas and Colorado/Wyoming communities. We had 22 participants at the Texas retreat, and 28 participants in Wyoming, for a total of 50 women who completed the retreats. If you are one of these women, Welcome! And a huge thank you to the 48 staff women who comprised the teams that hosted these retreats.

To continue caring for your soul, we have several Growth Groups beginning in the coming weeks where you learn more about your relationship with your emotions, your personal story, your beliefs about yourself and others, the archetypes that were touched on at the Saturday night of the retreat. These groups will meet on Zoom, and believe me, deep connection happens in these groups. If you’re hesitant about an online group, give it a try! If you participated in a Crucible retreat within the past year, the first three meetings of the group are free, so you have nothing to lose!

Tuesdays, 7:00-9:00 PM Central Time, beginning April 23, leaders Joy Dunning & Allie Wells

Mondays, 9:00-11:00 AM Mountain Time, beginning May 6, leaders Valerie Rausseo & Sandy Corrigan

Tuesdays, 9:00-11:00 AM Central Time, beginning May 14, leader Vickie Kerr

Need a group that meets on a different day or time of day? Email Joy Dunning and she’ll help you get connected with a group option that works for you!

Mission & Purpose Retreat

Want to attend another Crucible retreat? Sign up now for the Mission & Purpose second-level retreat May 3-5th in Connecticut! There’s still room for more participants so the time is now. Sign up. Questions, contact Terri Stafford

Training Opportunities

Advanced Process Trainings

Sage Quarter: Predator – July 11-Sep 26, Thursdays 8:00-10:00 AM CT

Sovereign Quarter: God Split – Oct 17-Dec 19, Thursdays 8:00-10:00 AM CT

Growth Group Leader Training – Tuesdays, 9:00-10:30 AM CT, beginning April 23rd

Upcoming Retreats – Apply to Volunteer Staff

May 3-5 Mission & Purpose Second Level Retreat in Madison, CT - Register to Attend

June 14-16 Initial Weekend in Spanish in Valle de Bravo, Mexico – Apply to Staff

August 16-18 Initial Weekend in Connecticut – Apply to Staff and Invite Friends

September 6-8 Initial Weekend in Perth, Australia – Apply to Staff and Invite Friends

September 10-12 Unshackled Second Level in Perth, Australia – Apply to Staff and Invite Friends

October 6-8 Initial Weekend in St. Charles, IL – Apply to Staff and Invite friends

October 13-15 Initial Weekend in Tulsa, OK – Apply to Staff and Invite Friends

November 7-9 Unshackled Second Level Retreat in St. Charles, IL – Register to Attend or Apply to Staff

- Lisa Modrzejewski

What’s Happening This Month – March/April 2024

Retreats!

March | On March 8-10, we had our second 2024 women’s retreat in Saint Charles, IL.

April | Both of our scheduled April retreats are full with a waitlist (Houston, TX, and Centennial, WY).

May | The Mission Weekend, May 3-5, in Madison, CT still has room for a few more participants.

June | Our second initial weekend in Spanish, to be held in Valle de Bravo, Mexico, will be open for staff soon. To be notified when staff applications are available, contact the office.

August | Initial weekend, Madison, CT – Plenty of room for participants!

September | Initial weekend retreat, Sep 6-8, and Unshackled second-level retreat Sep 13-15, in Perth, Australia, are scheduled and open for registration! If you want to staff, contact the office to join in the fun! Trip length approximately September 1st-17th.

October | Initial retreats Oct 4-6 in Saint Charles, IL, and October 11-13, in Tulsa, OK.

November | Second level retreat Unshackled, Nov 8-10, in Saint Charles, IL

Trainings!

Advanced Facilitation Trainings

April 18 – June 6             Lover Quarter (Tombstone)

July 11 – Sept 26            Sage Quarter (Predator)

Oct 17 – Dec 19              Sovereign Quarter (God Split)

Thursdays, 8:00 – 10:00 AM | Register Here

Groups Help Make Lasting Change

When creating lasting change, one of the most important factors to consider is environment. Specifically, is the environment supportive or hostile to the changes you want to make? After an individual completes th Crucible weekend experience, there is huge potential for the work that has been done on one’s identity and beliefs to take root and grow into beautiful fruit in their life. There is also a risk that, without the proper atmosphere and care, that new growth could stall out and remain in an arrested stage of development.

One simple thing can make all the difference as adjustments are made to accommodate growth and change: community. Specifically, a “growth group.” Growth groups have a set curriculum designed to build upon the lessons of The Crucible Project Retreat experience, and to foster compassion, encouragement and challenge of group members to persevere in their pursuit of their goals for themselves.

Many of you reading this have been through a Crucible Growth Group already, and you experienced first-hand the effects of participation in a group.

Here’s the problem: without Growth Group Leaders, we have no Growth Groups. Without Growth Groups, we have many women who leave their weekends saying, “What’s next? Now what?” as they hunger for more of what they received on their weekend.

Crucible women need more Growth Group leaders! We need women who have already been through the curriculum, who are willing to step into being the one who holds responsibility for a group of 8-10 women in administrating and leading them through the 15-week curriculum.

If you’re willing to bless the women of Crucible by leading a growth group, apply to become a Growth Group leader today.

Steps to become a Certified Growth Group Leader:

  • Complete 15-week Growth Group as a participant
  • Submit Growth Group Leader Application
  • Complete the 360-evaluation interview process.
  • Apprentice in a growth group or complete a Growth Group Certification course.

Sign up here for more information!

Lisa Modrzejewski

Find Your On-Ramp

Whether you have big goals for yourself this year or you take a moderate approach, we’re all on a growth journey this year. If you struggle with getting motivated to make changes, consider this – maybe you are more motivated than you realize!

Perhaps you think it’s a great idea to be up and moving your body and exercising each day. You absolutely want to be saving more money, living on a budget and spending less on eating out and shopping. If you can imagine it and think that would be a good thing for you, you are already motivated!

What you need is an “on-ramp.” To make a dream a reality, you need to act. You need to get from sitting on the side road at the stop light, to turning onto the on ramp that gets you onto the highway. If the on-ramp is too icy, or the toll is too expensive, or maybe the on-ramp is too far away from where you typically drive, you need to figure out what on-ramp will work for you.

Take building a healthy exercising habit, for example. If I plan to go from a mostly sedentary lifestyle to expecting that I’ll daily do yoga for 30 minutes before my kids get up, work out at lunch each day, and stretch before bed for 15 minutes every night – that is a really big shift from what I’ve been doing! That on-ramp is going to be dizzying, and I will probably spin out once I get on the highway! Instead, I need to find a ramp and road that are more realistic. If I lessen the first step to something that almost feels laughable – something that seems just too easy – like walking up and down my stairs one extra time - and do that for a week – I’m still moving more than I was before, and now I’m on the road. I have momentum. Now I can make that two times next week, and who knows where I go from there!

If you wanting to get into integrity with yourself about how you care for your body, join the Crucible Women Journey to Healthy Bodies Facebook Group. It's free, it’s a group, it’s full of women like you! Come talk about your relationship with your body, share your health goals and support and celebrate one another.

Upcoming Events

Groups

Want to join a small group that meets weekly? A new Growth Group 1.o is starting on Mondays in February via Zoom. Email Dawn Aldrich for more information or to join. Want to start a group in your area? Email Joy Dunning for more info.

Community Meetings

Join with compassionate, generous women who are growing communities of women practicing soul care together. We meet from 1-2pm CST on the second Tuesday of each month to talk about ways to bring together those in your area. Zoom meeting can be accessed through this link.

Facilitation Trainings

Learn how to facilitate yourself and others with powerful tools and processes designed to heal and create real, lasting change. These are co-gender trainings.

Advanced Facilitation Training, Lover Quarter: Tombstone

Participants will learn the key elements of the Lover quarter, the nature of the lover wound, the theory behind the Tombstone processes, the steps of the process, and have opportunities to practice the entire process. This training will also cover other the Switch sub-process, and other tools for working in the Lover quarter. To ensure that participants receive and review the instruction manual prior to the training, registrations should be submitted six weeks in advance (March 7).

Thursdays, 8:00AM-10:00AM CT (UTC-6), April 18 – June 6, 2024

Location: Online, Trainer: Lisa Modrzejewski

Save The Date:

Queen/King Quarter Training (God-Split, Risk Manager) June-August

Sage Quarter (Predator, Switch) September-November

 *These trainings are required for Crucible Carpet Leader Certification, and recommended for Certified Crucible Coaches.  All advanced trainings require Introduction to Facilitation, or equivalent, as a prerequisite.

Retreats

Participants can be directed to register for retreats by clicking here.

You can apply to staff by clicking here.  

Initial Weekends

  • January 26-28, Mexico City, Mexico
  • March 8-10, Chicago, IL
  • April 5-7, Houston, TX
  • April 12-14, Centennial, WY
  • August 16-18, Madison, CT
  • October 4-6, Saint Charles, IL
  • October 11-13, Tulsa, OK

Second-Level Weekends

  • May 3-5, Mission Weekend, Madison, CT
  • Nov 8-10, Unshackled Weekend, Saint Charles, IL

Warmly,

Lisa Modrzejewski

2023 Wrapped

Thank you to all of our Redwoods who made this year unforgettable. 159 participants at 8 initial weekends and 59 participants at 3 second-level weekends mean that this year was jam packed with women serving, practicing and working through their own stories to host the retreats, and many women who were willing to step into the unknown and wrestle with God over their wounds and while trust other women to enter into those stories with them.

We are READY for what’s next! We already have many events scheduled for 2024, with even more in the works. As you close out the year and enter the new, I invite you to take time to reflect on your own life this past year – where you have changed, where you’re still waiting, and consider the question you’ve heard over and over: What do you want? What’s your big why – your underlying motivation for why you do what you do and how you can go after more of what you want.

Announcements

Leader Track: Interested in learning more about the many ways you can get involved in serving within the organization? Check out the recording of the Introduction to Leadership Meeting  (recording passcode to access is: fxF!#600) I hosted on 12/7 and download our information package.

LAST CHANCE: Introduction to Facilitation Training - You’ve said over and over that this time you’re going to sign up – the time is NOW to register for the Introduction to Facilitation training! Deadline 12/22/23 to Register, to ensure you receive your training materials in time.

January 11-March 21, 2024, Thursdays 8am-10am CT, Online | Training: Introduction to Facilitation | Register Here | Specific dates listed on registration page.

Staff Wanted: Apply now to staff the March 8-10, St. Charles, IL, women’s retreat. Grab a friend from your initial weekend and continue the journey together.

Reel Wednesdays: As part of Crucible’s testimonial video/reel campaign, #ReelWednesdays #RealWednesdays, we are publishing testimonial weekly on social media. These powerful stories of transformation – your stories – help personalize the work of Crucible and are making an impact. For examples, check out Crucible’s Facebook page or Instagram and look for #reelwednesday #realwednesday posts. Check out these simple instructions for more information: Recording Video Reels

2024 Calendar

Warmly,

Lisa Modrzejewski

What’s Happening in Women’s Soul Work

Welcome to the 85 women who attended a Crucible weekend for women this fall! We honor you for your hard work and for trusting the process as you went through your weekend. Hopefully as you have gone back home, you’ve been able to continue to unpack the experience and glean what you need for this season of your life. If you are still struggling with any aspects of what you went through, we invite you to reach out to one of the leaders from your retreat and they will gladly listen to you and help process through what you experienced. The women who serve with Crucible are also women on their own journeys and want to come alongside one another as they grapple with what comes up.

Welcome to newly certified retreat leader Terri Stafford. Terri went through the Crucible women’s initial retreat in August 2019 and has been faithfully serving on weekends, leading growth groups, and sharing her intuitive and practical insights with women at every step in their soul work journeys. She lives with her husband and two children in New Mexico. She joins Lisa Modrzejewski & Kim Rush on the Women’s Retreat Leader Council.

Leader Track

For those of you who are interested in hearing more about leadership within The Crucible Project, whether you want to be in leadership or not, join us for an informational meeting where we demystify the Crucible leader tracks!

December 7, 2023, 11:30am-1:00pm CST | Introduction to Crucible Leadership, Online Meeting

https://us06web.zoom.us/j/83595245905 | Meeting ID: 835 9524 5905 | RSVP Here

Interested in facilitation? Need a specific training? Waiting for the perfect day/time/location? Let us know: Google Form

2024 Calendar

For you planners, here’s the calendar as it stands for next year! There will be more events added in the coming months. If you don’t see anything in your area or don’t know what next steps look like for you, contact us!

Warmly,

Lisa Modrzejewski

What's Happening

This Fall, Crucible women’s work has seen a bountiful harvest! So far, we have held four retreats, which had a combined 84 participants and 64 staff.

Here are just a few highlights from these events:

  • The Mission & Purpose Retreat in August was our first time offering this retreat to the broader Crucible women’s community. It far surpassed our hopes for this first full-scale weekend, and we plan to offer it again in Spring 2024.
  • The women’s initial weekend in St. Charles, IL in September had women from three continents (North America, Africa & Australia) and many different cultures. We witnessed firsthand how one woman’s work is truly everyone’s work, even with our vastly different cultures, as well as showcased those differences on the staff team by sharing about our unique customs, foods, and celebrations.
  • Ironically, the Unshackled retreat, held in picturesque Griswold, CT, weighed in has the heavyweight with 28 participants, 10 staff, and 3 carpet teams! Look forward to this retreat being held again in November 2024 at the latest.
  • The initial weekend in Chandler, OK, had a “young” staff team with 11 of the 23 women being first- and second-time staff, they ran the retreat like seasoned veteran staff!

Thank you to all of you who have so generously given of your resources to make these experiences so powerful for the women in attendance.

Looking Ahead

In November, we’ll have the final two women’s retreats of 2023 – both initial weekends – in the Wyoming/Colorado community and Perth, Australia.

Here’s how you can help with these two retreats:

  • We plan to have 30 participants on the November 3-5th retreat in Centennial, Wyoming, and we’re in need of a few more staff, especially those with facilitation experience! If you are available, please reach out to retreat co-leader and community leader April Damey
  • Please be in prayer for the three American staff who are traveling to Australia to serve the women of the Perth community. They plan to host a carpet day for the community in addition to the initial weekend November 10-12. There is still room for a few more participants on this retreat, so if you know someone who can get to Lake Leschenaultia, WA, AUS, have them check it out!

Warmly,

Lisa Modrzejewski

Photo Gallery: Click the pictures below for a full-sized image.

Crucible Retreats and Second-Level Retreats: Building Connections and Embracing Authenticity

Dear Women of the Crucible Community,

As we continue our journey of growth and transformation together, we are excited to bring you updates on upcoming Crucible Retreats and Second-Level Retreats. These gatherings provide invaluable opportunities for women like you to connect, explore, and embrace your authentic selves.

Crucible Retreats

  1. September 22-24 - St. Charles, IL: With 20 participants and 29 staff, this weekend is happening now and promises to be a remarkable gathering. What makes it even more special is the international flair it brings, with participants and staff traveling from Mexico, Kenya, and Australia.
  2. October 13-15 - Tulsa, Oklahoma: Our initial weekend near Tulsa, Oklahoma, is fast approaching, with 16 participants and 23 staff ready to embark on this transformative experience.
  3. November 3-5 - Centennial, WY: Join us for our second retreat of 2024 in Centennial, WY. While there are currently 13 registered participants, there's still room for a few more. Additionally, we welcome a few more staff members to join the team, as we currently have 22.
  4. November 8-10 - Perth, Australia: Three Crucible women from the United States will travel to Perth, Australia, to assist our Australian community in hosting their second in-person initial weekend for women. This cross-continental collaboration embodies the spirit of our global community.

Second-Level Retreats

  1. Mission & Purpose Retreat: Our recent Mission & Purpose second-level retreat held in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, from August 25-27, was a resounding success. With 19 participants and the support of 6 dedicated staff women, it was a powerful exploration of how our personal stories shape our unique vision and life mission.
  2. Unshackled Retreat: The Unshackled retreat, designed to help you release shame and embrace your true self, is scheduled for September 29-October 1. With 30 participants and 10 staff, this retreat promises to be a deeply transformative experience.

Looking Ahead

In 2024, we have exciting plans, including the first-ever Crucible women's weekend in Mexico City, conducted entirely in Spanish. Don't miss out on this opportunity to connect and grow within our international community.

Finally, we encourage each of you to register for our upcoming 2024 retreats in St. Charles, IL. Your presence and authentic engagement are what make our community so special. Let's continue to check in with one another authentically about our everyday struggles and victories, challenges, and successes.

We look forward to seeing you at our upcoming events and continuing this incredible journey of self-discovery and growth together.

With love and support,

Lisa Modrzejewski

Women’s Ministry Leader

Women,

Pardon the expression, but “It’s GO time!” Twenty women will participate in the second-level Mission Retreat taking place next weekend in Lake Geneva, WI. Four initial Crucible women’s retreats are scheduled in the remaining months of 2023, including the second retreat to be held in Western Australia, and planning is well underway for next year to keep the opportunities coming!

Unshackled in Connecticut is full with thirty women signed up, and a waitlist. The growth that so many women are experiencing is contagious! There are many ways for you to join in the movement: staff a retreat, attend a second level retreat, invite women to attend the initial weekend, and help with planning for next year!

Are retreats out of your element right now? We are always looking for supporters through prayer, financially, and community help. There are women’s groups that meet throughout the week, all across the world. Need help figuring out how to get involved? Joy Dunning, the Women’s Ministry Assistant, and our many wonderful regional leaders would love to help you find the right fit for you!

Sign up to Staff or Serve

  • Oct 13-15 - Chandler, Oklahoma, USA
  • Nov 3-5 - Centennial, Wyoming, USA
  • Nov 10-12 – Perth, Western Australia, AUS

Attend a Second Level Retreat

  • Aug 25-27 – The Mission Weekend, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, USA
  • Sep 29-Oct 1 – Unshackled, Griswold, Connecticut, USA

Invite Women

  • Sep 22-24 – Saint Charles, Illinois, USA
  • Oct 13-15 – Chandler, Oklahoma, USA
  • Nov 3-5 – Centennial, Wyoming, USA
  • Nov 10-12 – Perth, Western Australia, AUS

Save the Date

  • Jan 26-28, 2024 – Mexico City, MEX
  • Mar 8-10, 2024 – Saint Charles, Illinois, USA

With you and for you,

Lisa Modrzejewski

Powerful Women On The Move

VIDEO

Part of living out your God-given passion and potential means owning your impact – your power -  in the world around. When a woman tells herself she’s not powerful, she puts her influence and effectiveness into shadow. But as you know, that does not mean it disappears, it just moves to a distant place and starts a revolt. A woman who believes she is powerless cannot take responsibility for her impact on the world, intended or unintended; positive or negative. We all have power. At Crucible, we encourage women and men to use their power in ways that are God-honoring. That starts by using your time, money and talents to fulfill your purpose – your mission – during your time on earth.

Look to your possessions, your home, your finances – how are you stewarding the kingdom God has entrusted to you?

Who do you live with? Who are your neighbors? Who lives in your town, shops at the same stores as you, goes to your church? Who are your family members, friends, enemies? You have a circle of influence that is unique to you!

How are you spending your time and talents? Are you constantly seeking peace, rest and comfort? Are you chasing success, fulfillment, or fame? Where does your money go? Your home, your belongings, your family, food, the debt pit?

What about your life journey, the experiences you’ve gone through – are you running away from their effects or are you owning their impact and transforming them into your God-given ability to change the world in the way your little girl needed?

All of The Crucible Project’s experiences are designed to help people live their God-given lives to the fullest. You can begin that now by attending the Annual Gathering, applying to staff a weekend, registering to attend a second-level retreat like the Mission weekend, or by hosting an Exploration Group. Another way you can help with an immediate need now is by giving financially. Crucible is a non-profit organization, and to put bluntly, we cannot continue bringing experiences of radical grace and truth - retreats, groups, coaching, etc. – without the financial support of men and women like you. Consider giving a financial gift of any size today. If every Redwood donated the cost of a coffee every month, we would be able to fulfill our mission of bringing this unique soul work that we KNOW helps people connect with God and themselves to the world.

With you and for you,

Lisa Modrzejewski

What’s Happening in Women’s Ministry!

Earlier this month, eight of the men’s and women’s Carpet Leaders and Trainers gathered for an pilot recertification event. Women leaders in attendance were Andrea Ray, Kim Rush and me. At this gathering, each person had the opportunity to process with the group and to facilitate twice. The group consensus after we finished was that it was a huge success. At the Crucible Project, we place a high value on healthy leadership, and this experience gave us a safe place to do our deep work and to learn from one another. This recertification process will ensure that all carpet leaders and trainers have a place to continue doing their personal work, while also gaining expertise, knowledge, and building rapport amongst the leaders. If you are interested in taking Carpet Facilitation trainings, check out the Training section of the Redwoods Page.

While we didn’t get a group photo, Kim and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get a photo of these awesome t-shirts in the local grocery store!

This fall, there are several ways for you to get plugged in and continue your soul work or give back. We’re accepting Staff Applications for the many weekends listed below. Staffing a retreat is an incredible way to build on the initial weekend experience. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can join the team of staff in Western Australia for an initial retreat with the true-blue Perth community. If you’re interested in information about this trip, contact Kim Rush.

Initial Weekends

September 22-24, 2023                      Saint Charles, IL

October 13-15, 2023                           Chandler, OK

November 3-5, 2023                           Casper, WY

November 10-12, 2023                       Chidlow, Western Australia

Second-Level Weekends

August 25-27, 2023                             Lake Geneva, WI         Mission

September 29-October 1, 2023          Griswold, CT               Unshackled

Save the Date!

Initial Weekend, January 26-28, 2024 , Mexico City, MEX

What's Happening

May has been a month of rest and recuperation for the women’s leaders of Crucible after a busy spring full of retreats. As we approach the end of this month, we’re beginning to prepare for the upcoming retreats to be held in the late summer and fall of this year.

As I look back, between September 2022 and April 2023, we had 254 individual women participate in 9 retreats – 169 as participants and 104 staff, with several women staffing more than once. (Some women attended as participants and then came back to staff right away!)

All shared that they got what they came for and more – further testifying that these retreats are a powerful experience that help women get the change they need to step into what God has for them next.

Sign up now to continue your growth by attending the Mission Weekend for women in beautiful Lake Geneva, WI. Apply to staff the fall retreats. Donate to support the ongoing work of The Crucible Project as we bring this work to the men and women of the world.

Lisa Modrzejewski

Women’s Ministry Leader

What's Happening

Spring 2023 has been full of shedding what’s old and dead, giving way for new growth, blooms and hope for The Crucible Project Women’s work. In the past month, we held three retreats - in Illinois, Texas and Connecticut - staffed by 71 women, where 76 total participants wrestled with God over their woundedness, found their gold, and walked away saying they got what they came for and more. If you were one of these women, welcome. We’re so glad you came. If you staffed or volunteered in some way, thank you for giving the gift of you – your time, money, talents, and heart.

This weekend, April 28-30, we’re holding a retreat in Wyoming that is full with a wait list, then we’ll take a short break from retreats until August 2023, but the work doesn’t stop! There are soul groups and facilitation trainings available to attend, exploration groups to host, and many other community opportunities.

This fall, in Lake Geneva, WI, we’ll offer the first Mission & Purpose retreat for women. We have a full roster and waitlist for an Unshackled retreat in CT, and several initial Crucible retreats for those just entering the work.

Check out the Redwoods page to register for Introduction to Facilitation beginning May 24th and stay tuned for staffing applications to be released for the fall events.

Lisa Modrzejewski

Women’s Ministry Leader

What's Happening

Women, whether you are in a space of health and thriving or you are struggling and feeling worn thin, we invite you to live out loud! The journey of life is meant to be lived in a community of authenticity, truth and grace. We have many opportunities for you to serve, learn, grow and lead. Visit thecrucibleproject.org to register to attend or staff at one of the below events. Contact us with your questions or for more info about how to get involved.

Contact Joy Dunning.

Upcoming Events:  (*Save the Date!)

The Crucible Women’s Retreat:

March 24-26, 2023, Saint Charles, IL

April 14-16, 2023, North Zulch, TX

April 21-23, 2023, Griswold, CT

April 28-30, 2023, Centennial, WY

September 22-24, Saint Charles, IL

November 3-5, 2023, Chidlow, WA, Australia*

Second-Level Retreats

Mission Retreat

August 25-27, 2023, Lake Geneva, WI*

Unshackled Retreat

September 29-October 1, 2023, Griswold, CT

Trainings

Introduction to Facilitation – Weekly, Wednesdays, May – July 2023*

Advanced Facilitation Skills (Lover) –, Weekly, Wednesdays, September – October 2023*

Advanced Facilitation Skills (King/Queen) – Weekly, Wednesdays, November 2023 – January 2024*

Advanced Facilitation Skills (Sage) – Weekly, February – April 2024*

What's Happening

It’s All About the Retreats! 

During the months of March and April, we have four women’s retreats that are quickly approaching, and spots are filling up fast! Retreat leaders are working hard to prepare for staff meetings, staff are preparing and practicing their teachings, and participants are beginning their assignments and contemplating the pre-retreat questions.  

 Every woman has a different motivation for why she’s attending. For some, leading these types of events is their mission. Facilitating this deep soul work is what they get out of bed excited to do. For others, they find the connection and support of being on a team of authentic women to be the environment that helps them keep moving forward on their healing journey. Others are working on leadership development goals. One thing all seem to agree about: you will have a powerfully impactful experience on the staff side.  

 As we move into spring retreat season, consider staffing a weekend or volunteering in some way. Maybe you can’t staff the whole weekend, but if you have a day to give, you can help as a Woman of Service in the kitchen or behind the scenes in preparing for the weekend. Or maybe you can help with the graduation, pre-retreat interviews, or even hosting an Exploration Group. There are many ways to get involved with The Crucible Project this spring!  

Register Here to Staff 

Interested in being a Woman of Service or want more info about volunteering with Crucible? Contact Me: lmodrzejewski@thecrucibleproject.org 

  • March 24-26: St. Charles, IL 
  • April 14-16: North Zulch, TX 
  • April 21-23: Griswold, CT
  • April 28-30: Centennial, WY 

 The Crucible Project for Women in Spanish! 

 Plans are underway to bring the Crucible Retreat for Women to Spanish-speakers, including a carpet group solely en Español at the Houston women’s retreat in April. If you are a fluent Spanish-speaker and want to get involved in the efforts, please fill out our survey! <Contact us> to be sent the link. 

Facilitation Trainings 

If you’re interested in facilitating carpet work on the retreats or in groups, we have a path for you. You can find upcoming trainings dates on the Redwoods page. We’re also offering a new avenue for completing the Crucible facilitation track trainings in four 8-week series spread out over a year. Each training is $350 and includes a manual and weekly two-hour video-based classes with a certified Crucible carpet facilitation trainer. If you’re interested in this format, contact Lisa Modrzejewski for more info. Registration will be opening soon. 

What's Happening

After an incredibly full 2022, Crucible women is launching into 2023 after a period of rest and recuperation. During 2022, we heard countless incredible stories and witnessed miracle after miracle. Here are some numbers to help represent the lives touched this year:

135 women welcomed as new Redwoods!

2 retreats + 2 weeks + 24 Aussies + 6 Americans = Western Australia women’s community’s first in-person retreats!

The dedicated women from Australia had been waiting for years for the chance to put on their own retreat. After pouring out so much to put on the retreat, many of the staff then participated in the Unshackled second-level retreat the following weekend to tend to their own souls.

Growth Group 2.0 Curriculum: retreat & carpet leader Andrea Ray launched a new curriculum for women who had previously completed the growth group curriculum. Now in 2023, this group is being offered to even more women by group leaders Dawn Aldrich & Colleen Hewitt.

ONE Wonderful Powerhouse of a women’s ministry assistant hired! Joy Dunning, Redwood who lives in Green Bay, Wisconsin, came on staff with The Crucible Project in October 2022, and has already been a huge help in carrying the load and serving the community with her fresh energy, insights and rapport with the community. Send her a shout out and welcome her to the family at jdunning@thecrucibleproject.org!

As we look to 2023, you can expect to see groups, retreats, trainings, and many other opportunities for you to invite others. We’ll have places for you to continue in your own growth & soul work journey, and for you to pay it forward by serving.

To start with, check out our opportunities to staff this spring!

Upcoming Women’s Weekends:

March 24-26, 2023, St. Charles, IL

Staff meeting #1 - Sun, Feb 5, 6-9PM CT

Staff meeting #2 - Sun, Mar 5, 6-9PM CT

April 14-16, 2023, Houston, TX

Staff meeting #1 - Sun, Feb 19, 6-9PM CT

Staff meeting #2 - Sun, Apr 2, 6-9PM CT

April 21-23, 2023, Griswold, CT

Staff meeting #1 - Sun, Feb 26, 6-9PM ET

Staff meeting #2 - ¡¡Monday!! Apr 3, 7-10PM ET

Our Messiah

“Comfort, comfort my people,” says your God. “Speak tenderly to Jerusalem. Tell her that her sad days are gone, and her sins are pardoned. Yes, the Lord has punished her twice over for all her sins.”

He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.

“To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal?” asks the Holy One.

Have you never heard? Have you never understood?

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.

He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall into exhaustion.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

From Isaiah 40: 1-2a, 11, 25, 28-31

During the fall of my freshman year in college, I took a one-credit honors seminar about Handel’s oratorio Messiah for choir and orchestra. I had grown up going to church, but I knew very little about the work apart from “Hallelujah Chorus.” At the end of the semester, we watched a live performance by our university’s School of Music.

It was an incredibly moving spiritual experience for me, hearing scriptures arranged to tell the story of Jesus’s life and redemption of humanity and set to such emotionally evocative music. Ever since then, listening to the recording is a treasured part of my personal preparation Christmas and Resurrection Sunday.

This ritual is special to me, because during the Christmas season and the dark, harsh Midwestern USA winters, I can easily fall into old patterns of seeking action-based approval or withdrawing and am prone to discouragement and despair. I know many others struggle with related things, as well as grief over lost loved ones, lack of connection, and other things.

However, this year has been especially challenging for me for several reasons, and I’ve been struggling to experience shalom in my spirit – wholeness and connection with God and his plan.

Over the past year, I have had the privilege to teach several advanced processes that we use in The Crucible Project to a small group of Crucible men and women. The last process we’re going through looks at our beliefs about how God views us, and as I recently reviewed the material myself, I discovered and worked through some false beliefs and opened myself up to the way God truly sees me. Finally, I can feel the magnitude of his power and love again in a fresh way.

We have an opportunity this season to lean into these painful feelings, explore them, and allow His light to shine on those areas where our stories need healing rather than pushing down, striving, or numbing them with the countless ways the world offers. Through doing your own soul work with the processes we use in our retreats and groups or pressing into authentic community with others who are committed to the same, you can experience hope, a renewed sense of purpose and motivation to live your new life in Christ that He offers each of us.

My hope for you is that you can find comfort in the magnitude of God and His love for each of us this season.

-Lisa Modrzejewski

Saying I’m Sorry Is the First Step

When my kids were young, if you were to drop by our house there would be a good chance that if the TV were on, the PBS children’s show Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood would be playing. Based on the lovable character from Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood that many of us adults grew up watching, this show used relatable family situations, catchy tunes and adorable characters to teach life lessons. And I suspect that the writers weren’t just intending to reach a young audience – they were also modeling for the grown-ups who were listening in how to teach kids character qualities through age-appropriate teachable moments and accessible language.

In one memorable episode, Daniel & his friend Prince Wednesday take Prince Tuesday’s crown and use it to decorate their sandcastles. Prince Tuesday teaches the boys how to apologize well – the lyrics to the reinforcing song are, “Saying I’m sorry is the first step, then how can I help?” I remember hearing this and feeling in my spirit that my own knowledge of how to make a heartfelt apology was lacking.

I’m not talking about how to apologize when you bump into someone and knock them over. Or when you’re late to an appointment. I’m mostly referring to any situation where someone is angry with me about anything, or where it’s insinuated (or I’m afraid they’re insinuating) that I’m selfish or mean. Typing it out makes me what to hide in embarrassment, but it truly is so hard for me to offer a heartfelt apology sometimes! It bumps up against deep insecurities in me! So, this simple lesson for three-year-olds was just what I needed to get started on developing the apologizing muscle in me that has the ability of a three-year-old. Ok, to be fair, it's probably the ability of a 10-year-old. Still not great for a woman who’s pushing forty.

What I’m still learning daily is that even if I didn’t intend hurt, harm, or disrespect, or whatever the offense is, I truly lose nothing by apologizing and taking a step toward repairing what was damaged in the relationship. If I think I’m losing something, that is a cue that there is an insecurity in me that was already there long before the person sitting across from me reminded me of it. For example: If my husband tells me that I was harsh and snapped at him and the kids, my knee-jerk reaction is to deny, to justify, and minimize. Because I label people who are harsh, short-tempered and cold as mean, selfish, uncaring, and pretty much terrible people. I never want to be that way, so the quickest way I know to shut down that fear is to deny, deny, deny.

Maybe your reaction isn’t like mine – maybe you swing the other direction and apologize profusely, grovel, and beat yourself up. Guess what – your insecurities are still driving your behavior.

I think that built into your “I’m sorry,” is humility and self-compassion. First, being humble is accepting that your behavior was what it was – it could have been mean, harsh, critical, selfish, or whatever label you’re attaching to it. but that behavior does not define or condemn you. You do not have to turn to contempt for yourself or turn that contempt onto others. Humility says that what the other person experienced matters, and before I can accept and extend compassion to them, I first must extend it to myself to stand up under the consequences of my actions.

In The Crucible Project, we teach personal responsibility – taking full responsibility for one’s actions and their consequences, intended and unintended. As I have put this idea into practice, I have swung wide in my application – sometimes I end up taking more than my share of responsibility. Other times, in the name of allowing others to accept their own full responsibility in a situation, I have abdicated my own portion. This wobbly walk is a natural part of the learning process, so if you find yourself struggling with the same issues around taking responsibility and repairing relationships well, get ready to lavish more self-compassion and humility with yourself and others. You’re learning a new skill, and mastery doesn’t come overnight. Remember to say I’m sorry, mean it, and ask how can I help? Remember that you’re dealing with people who are human like you, and they may respond to your apology imperfectly. That’s ok – stick with yourself and your side of things.

Why Some People Can’t Apologize

https://ideas.ted.com/why-some-people-cant-apologize/

3 Steps to Offering a Good Apology

https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/communication/3-steps-to-offering-a-good-apology/

Pillars in the Desert

If you follow the Crucible newsletter, you may have seen that throughout this past year, I’ve been teaching the Advanced Process trainings in a weekly group format to several practicing facilitators. During these trainings, we look more in-depth at the four archetypes that we introduce on our retreats – queen/king, lover, warrior and sage. Currently, we’re studying the queen/king (sovereign) archetype and the processes that we most closely associate with the wounds and core issues of that part of self. As we’ve been digging in and talking about how, as Christ-followers, God is our guiding light, our ideal sovereign/parent figure, the Israelites’ journey through the desert, as told in Exodus chapter 13 and beyond in the Bible, has come to my mind many times. There were periods of time throughout the forty years of their wanderings, where they lost touch with their king, God. And when they forgot him, they sunk into despair, complaining, desperation and groping around as if in the darkness. I remember as a child when I was first learning the Bible that I laughed at the Israelites, thinking how silly it was of them to have such short memories of all that God had done for them. How faithful he had proven himself to be. Now as an adult, I have much more compassion for them, knowing how easily I can lose faith and trust in God’s love and care for me, especially when I encounter hardships, discomfort, and broken connection with others.

For those of us who have short memories or easily lose track of the knowing that God is for us, processing around the king/queen archetype can help with opening up those circuits that can keep us connected to the greater calling and mission in our lives. Think of how often in our organization we ask the question “What do you want?” God’s wants and the wants and desires he gives us can become the pillars of cloud and fire that guide us when we feel like we are wandering around the desert.

Some practical ways that you can stay connected to your own inner king/queen and God are to write down what you know is true, what is always true regardless of whether you feel it or not, and the why behind your commitments. Another beautiful concept from the Bible that points us back to these principles of remembering is in places like Deuteronomy 6 where the Israelites were instructed to do several things to remind themselves of the commandment to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength. They were to write it on their hands and foreheads, the doorposts of their homes, to teach their children the words, and to continually dwell up on God’s commandments and his words. Why? Because without being connected to these truths, we forget and fall into despair!

Sisters, I encourage you to daily go back and speak with your inner queen, and if she’s lost her way, point her back to the King of Kings and ask him to remind you of what’s true about you. Then write it down. Record it. Tell your friends and have them reflect it back to you. Leave notes for yourself. Tell your children, your grandchildren about what the Lord has done in your life, and keep yourself connected to the one who is able to hold you up as you walk through any terrain – even a desert.

 

Want For Self

Most likely, if you have been involved in the Crucible women’s community, you’ve heard the question, “What kind of woman do you want to be?” When I was first asked that question, I remember thinking that the concept felt foreign to me. I was in a headspace where I felt out of control. I felt like life was happening to me, despite my best efforts, and I was in an emotional tailspin. The question seemed out of place to me. I wanted the people around me to act differently. If only the women in my group would check in with me more often, then I’d be more settled and stay on track. My husband should be more patient with me. That group of people needs to check out the stories they’ve made up. I want my kids to be more kind to each other. My dogs need to bark less… there was an endless list of requests that I had for the world around me. I knew in my head that I can’t control or change the people around me, but I could ask!

But that question – What kind of woman do you want to be? – shifts everything. It points the magnifying glass on what I, and only I, can change. Me. Because just like I can’t change anyone else, no one else can change me. Those things happening to me – they don’t have the power to rob me of my peace, joy, love, integrity, unless I allow it to happen. In light of the reality I’m in, I want to be a woman who is open and curious, teachable, takes responsibility, creates a safe and loving home for her family, and the list goes on and on.

As you continue to step into your own soul work, I invite you to add these questions to your self-processing: In your current reality, what do you want for yourself? What kind of a woman do you want to be? How do you want to show up in life, regardless of how everyone else does? I hope they help you see options and step into your own power in your life, as they have for me.

 

Believe Them

Early on in my journey of soul work and walking along side others through their stories, a mentor of mine advised me of this: “When someone tells you their side of the story and how they see the world, believe them.” Ashamedly, I remember thinking, “Well, if they’ve come to the wrong conclusions, it doesn’t matter if I believe them. If what they believe is wrong, what does it matter if I believe them?” I brushed aside the idea as irrelevant to me and didn’t give it much more thought. Was I open and curious about what she meant? Nope.

Fast forward to this year. I’ve been happily married for seventeen years to my knight-in-shining-armor, and the oddest thing began  happening. (He would probably say it’s been happening the entire time we’ve been together, and I only just became conscious of it this year. Yes, pray for him. I am that obtuse) I began hearing feedback from him that there is something off about the way I respond to him when he tells me he is upset. Of course, I’m highly offended. Doesn’t he know that I am empathetic and compassionate? Has he not been counting how many hours I’ve spent listening to him? This is not possible; he must be missing something. He must be wrong. I care that he’s upset.

Guess what I’ve discovered? I’ve realized that he’s right. I do believe him when he tells me how he sees the world, and I often believe he’s sincerely wrong. And I tell him that, and how offended I am with his tone.

I think my mentor was on to something – I think she saw an area of weakness in me that I didn’t yet see in myself, and I didn’t even see the pain that it was causing others – or at the very least, my husband. Probably no one else - until now. Call it arrogance or self-absorption, but I am slowly letting the lesson settle into my spirit more completely.

My new challenge is this: When someone tells me how they see the world, I can show them love by believing them and moving toward them with compassion, tenderness, and if necessary, expressing remorse and regret for how my actions and words have impacted them, even if it was unintentional and I wouldn’t have the same reaction as them. Does it automatically mean that I was wrong? No! Does it mean the other person is right? No! But it is true that it is their experience!

Imagine I’m driving down the highway with my daughter in the passenger seat, and she perceives another vehicle swerving into our lane, shrieks and grabs my arm. I didn’t think the vehicle was a threat, so I didn’t react the same as her. However, she was alarmed. She was scared, and she was triggered. That trigger – her feelings – are worthy of my compassion, curiosity and care.

I could end up offended that she would doubt my driving skills, and bark at her that it’s no big deal and she needs to calm down.

But, when I’m actively working on myself, I would realize (maybe not immediately, but soon) that her reaction was about her fear, her perception of a real threat, that resulted in real feelings for her. She is worth slowing down and caring for.

I want to be a woman who believes others when they tell me how they feel, and moves towards them with curiosity and compassion. When I am not – when instead, I am defensive, dismissive or minimizing of someone else’s story, I want that to be a signal to me that I am feeling insecure, and there is some kind of work I need to do to be able to be fully present and viewing the other person as a human, not a threat.

My authentic hope is that you read this and think, “Obviously, Lisa. You’re the last one to get this.” If not, it’s ok. I’m a first year too.

Broken Record

Do you ever hold back from talking to others about what you’re going through because you would be repeating the same thing you said the last time you connected with them? Many people fear rejection or shame from judgment from others that they should already be over it – whatever it is. I often say to myself, “I don’t understand why I’m still upset about this issue. If I tell my group, they’ll think there’s something wrong with me. I sound like a broken record.” And we have all heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So, I must be crazy because I’m still dealing with the same thing.

I think many people, especially women, avoid vulnerable connection with others for fear of this judgment. Sometimes, it’s for good reason. Past experiences may have taught you that certain people – maybe even those nearest and dearest to you - will hear that you’re still experiencing a difficult problem and minimize your experience and feelings for whatever reason, or they may just rush to offering advice or suggestions to help you get past the negative feelings.

Other times, I have observed in myself and heard from others that they don’t give others the chance to judge them by withdrawing from connection and choosing to deal with it on their own – they effectively suffer in silence. And thus the cycle continues.

After someone attends a Crucible retreat, most likely they have an incredibly positive experience of being accepted, attuned to, and encouraged while they are choosing to be vulnerable. This is a hugely healing occurrence for a human being to go through, however, if you’re not used to experiencing this type of validation, you may not continue to seek out the kind of relationships where you’ll continue to receive this life-giving support.

Many women report that the key to them continuing their growth is to be in a Crucible group after their retreat ends. In these groups, when you come and share what you’re going through, AND that you’re afraid you’re a broken record and probably crazy, you’ll hear things like:

“Wow, I feel like that too sometimes.”

“That sounds so hard, how can we support you?”

“It sounds like there is a lot of pain there for you. I feel sad with you. Are you open to an observation?”

…and other kind, compassionate responses. If you are experiencing what seems like a never-ending loop, chances are you need the kind of love, care and compassion that can only come from giving the issue air-time with people who are patient. Not unlike a child who is sad over a broken toy or the death of a pet who needs as much time as it takes crying in mother or father’s lap, adults also need to find soothing and comfort for their losses and disappointments.

If you are looking for a group of people like this to continue your work with, reach out to The Crucible Project and we’ll help you connect with others who can help.

- Lisa

Well-Worn Paths

Over the past several months, I have been doing physical therapy that targets my hips and back. After giving birth to four kids and nearly forty years-worth of wear and tear without proper care have resulted in persistent pain, lack of strength and decreased mobility in the part of my body that helps me stay upright and moving through the world with ease. Along the way, I’ve been struck by what I’m learning about the connections between my beliefs about my body, my experience and fears of pain, and how my neural pathways work. According to research on neuroplasticity, which refers to the brain’s ability to modify, change and adapt both structure and function throughout life and in response to experience, our brains are like a highway system. Over time, our neural pathways become smoother and better at sending messages as more information is sent, similar to how roads have improved over time to allow for faster, smoother travel.

Every time the brain receives new information, it paves a new pathway. For instance, consider when you got your first phone number. You might have had to repeat it to yourself or carry a note with it written down to help you remember it until you’d thoroughly memorized it. If the number was like another number - your house number, zip code, or birthday – chances are you had an easier time remembering it. That’s because each time you say it or associate it with something you already know, you’re paving that pathway to help you remember.

When it comes to persistent pain, thoughts, beliefs and emotions, the same pathways are paved repeatedly each time you hurt or encounter a situation that reminds you of past hurt. These well-established pathways cause you to produce pain or unconscious thoughts even easier. Because of this, sensitivity can increase and movements and activities that didn’t trigger you in the past become quite painful or alarming. All of these things travel on the very same pathways. So, a scary diagnosis from your doctor, the sadness you felt when you missed your daughter’s recital, and fear of flying in a plane could get stuck on the pathways with danger messages.

This is why changing unwanted behaviors and feelings don’t have a one-size-fits-all solution! Treatment that works for one person may not work for someone else. When searching for a solution, seek solutions that will help you create new neural pathways and address your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions.

In my situation, through physical therapy, I’m working to pave new pathways and retrain my brain and body through the right types of movement and exercise therapy. I’m learning to associate the discomfort of exercise (formerly known as pain, feeling angry, and thinking I’m a miserable failure) with increased mobility, more comfort when doing things I love, as well as the thrill of growing my confidence of proving to myself that I can stick to a routine, I can stretch farther/deeper, and accomplish more reps than when I started.

Reflect on these questions as you consider pain in your own life:

Has my body, mind and spirit become more sensitive? Which activities, positions or experiences are painful now that weren’t in the past?

What thought patterns do I have that are connected to my pain? (“I’ll always be like this.” “My pain will never go away.” “I’ll never heal.”)

What beliefs am I holding onto about my pain? (“I need to have surgery to change what I’m unhappy with.” “I am deficient.” “My pain is my own fault / My pain is all their fault.”)

What I hope you take away today is that:

  • It gets easier for your brain to produce pain and old thoughts over time.
  • Thoughts, emotions and beliefs can affect your experience of pain.
  • Pain can be trained / changed. Therapies, new thoughts can help retrain your pain system.

Creating a culture around yourself of truth-tellers, support, and love can help you forge paths in your soul and develop them into well-worn, smooth paved highways that bring you and the world life and hope!

I am an abuse survivor.

There was a time when saying that sentence would make my body and voice shake and tremble. I couldn’t tell you why then. I began to accept that the sentence was true. I began to want others to know my story. I knew I was no longer in danger – I knew the abuse was over, and I had survived.

In my head, I knew I was safe.

But my body didn’t believe my head. My body had been conditioned to believe that I was complicit in the abuse. My body had been taught that to talk about what I had experienced would incriminate someone else, and it wasn’t nice to “talk badly about someone else.” My body had been indoctrinated to believe that Christians are loving and forgiving, and my highest calling was to turn the other cheek. My body took on responsibility for the violations my body, mind and soul endured as a way of coping, and to be accepted in my culture.

Is it any wonder that I became a woman who shook at the sound of my own voice speaking the truth?

Is it any wonder that I had to teach my body slowly, through years of gentle instruction, to believe that I’m safe to talk about my experiences, to discern what is and isn't my responsibility, and to determine who are for me and who are for themselves at my expense?

Is it any wonder that I am quick to blame myself first?

In our work at the Crucible Project, we believe all of your story is worth sharing. It is not your responsibility to protect those who have brought you harm. We only further wound our souls and split ourselves off from who God has made us to be, and enable further cycles of abuse by ignoring, jumping to forgiveness, and justifying others actions that harm us.

Women and men – the work you did at your weekend was just the beginning. Continue to heal your souls and encourage others to do theirs as well by telling your story. Come out from behind the trees. Take off the fig leaves. Yes, you will feel raw. Yes, it will feel “wrong.” You will feel guilty, because that’s what you were taught. But it’s a lie. Surround yourself with people who know that it’s not your job to protect bad actors from being held accountable for their actions.

Bad actors aren’t all bad. They often do much good in the world. Holding perpetrators accountable for their actions does not make you ungrateful or negate your care for them. It is actually the most loving thing you can do.

Step into the light. It will be uncomfortable, maybe even excruciating. But that doesn’t make it wrong.

 

Labeled

I recently heard a woman say that she hadn’t done something she had promised herself she would do, and chalked it up to “I’m selfish and lazy.”

Internally, I thought, “There are no selfish people, only people who think they are selfish.”

Similarly, I hear women report that they are dumb and foolish, and I think they’re off-base. I doubt they are truly these labels.

People label themselves and others all the time – stupid, lazy, needy, bossy, manipulative, fake. Being honest about these labels is a first step, but I think we often accept the label without looking at what is underneath the label. Why are you showing up that way? What might be going on with the other person that they are behaving in the way you’re labeling?

Often, what’s underneath labeling is fear. Fear that you are your behavior. Reduction of the other person to the limitations of the label.

It’s human nature for us to do this – labels help us make sense of the world around us, and when things make sense, there is often peace, and feelings of being in control.

However, labels put us and others in a box that keep us stuck. Identifying and speaking aloud the labels we put on people is a necessary step, and once we’ve done that, it’s important to identify that they may not be necessarily true, or even all that is true about us. We are all complex creatures, with complex behaviors driven by complex stories and motivations. I believe if we drill down to the core, underneath the simple labels, that’s where healing and growth happen. Labels keep us stuck in shame, and shame keeps us stuck and isolated from God, ourselves, and others.

Some things to ask yourself as you consider this topic:

How do you label yourself?

How do you label others?
What’s driving you when you behave in the ways you’re labeling?

What are you going after when you label another?

The Crucible Project community uses many processes to help Redwoods process around these issues. Reach out to someone in your area to talk about your relationship with labeling, and see how you expand in your capacity to love yourself and others!

- Lisa

 

What Are My Shadows?

By Lisa Modrzejewski

When I went through my first Crucible retreat, I was challenged by the idea that I have put things in shadow. Even more difficult for me to comprehend was why it would be beneficial to me to take those things out of shadow. I thought – aren’t those parts of me that I shouldn’t be? They’re weaknesses. They’re sins. They’re not good or beneficial for anyone. The idea of treating parts of myself that I didn’t even think existed anymore with love, compassion and care sounded impossible.

Perhaps you’re wrestling with similar ideas on this side of your retreat experience. Here are some ideas for ways to continue to identify shadows in yourself and begin to accept and care for them.

  • What have you decided to never do or be?
  • What do you try not to do or be?
  • Who do you avoid?

If you have a person in mind, consider what is it about them that you think should change? What label do you put on them? (If this feels uncomfortable, like you’re judging them, don’t worry. That’s not the end.)

Once you have some labels or qualities that you avoid or that you think are wrong, say them out loud.

You’ve discovered some of your shadows. They’re things you don’t want to own. Things you don’t want to be. Probably for very good reason.

Now, consider when in your life you may have decided to never be like that. What was going on then? The story matters – see if you can tap into compassion for yourself around what was going on in your life.

Now imagine that you behave in these “shadow” ways – If there was a good thing you wanted for yourself at the core of this shadow, what would it be? Can you give yourself grace and compassion for how you have been doing this in your life? If you can’t, ask if God can?

This is the beginning of “owning” your shadows. The goal is not to act out of these shadows if they are harmful to self and others, but to seeing the valid, basic human need or want underneath, and re-parenting ourselves in a way that will create real healing and healthy change in our lives.

Bless you as you dig into this convicting, yet freeing work.

- Lisa

 

UNSHACKLED

Grace-filled. Sacred. Major breakthrough. Amazing. Power. Transformative. Holy space. Outstanding staff. Incredible. Precise details. Safe. Loving. Cared for deeply. Hard. Good. Beautiful. Home run.

These are some of the words participants used to describe Unshackled, the first women’s second-level retreat offered by The Crucible Project, which took place February 4-6th at a retreat center northwest of Houston, TX. This incredible retreat was a labor of love by the staff and volunteers who put it on, and we’ve heard many accounts from participants that it was a deeply moving, healing experience. This retreat builds upon the teachings of the women’s initial Crucible retreat, and helps women know and step into who God designed them to be while shedding the lies and limiting beliefs that we all take on throughout our lives. We had fourteen participants and seven staff, and two amazing kitchen volunteers. The experience was bathed in prayer by countless individuals, and we thank all who contributed their prayers, emotional support to those who attended, and financially to the overall project. We can’t wait for the next one!

This is the first of four new second-level retreats that we will be releasing for women in the coming years. If you are interested in attending an Unshackled retreat in the future, email Lisa to be contacted when the next retreat is open for registration.

 

 

 

What’s Happening in 2022

Spoilers

Hello 2022! As we embark on this new year and the months stretch out before us as a big unknown, I have some spoilers for you. I know how it’s going to go! There are some things you can count on:

I promise that the unexpected will happen.

I promise that hard times will rock you and those you love.

I promise that the past will resurface, no matter how much work you think you’ve done to keep it in the past.

You will experience disappointment. Rejection. Failure. Change.

Plans will be cancelled.

People will change their minds.

Leaders will reveal their humanity.

Lives will end. Lives will begin.

The earth will continue turning and while we try to keep up and adjust.

Certainties will crumble into outdated thinking.

So, considering this reality, can you bypass the striving? You try so hard to avoid loss. You spend so much energy watching out for pain. You work so hard to create a stable environment to protect you from the hurts. You armor up and reinforce the towers to keep it all out.

How will you nurture your soul through the pain? How will you steward this body – this vessel, this vehicle – that God has given you to carry you through the journey?

At Crucible, we think having a lifestyle of ongoing soul work is key to living fully alive and thriving. That means we continue to look at ourselves, our thoughts, our bodies, our relationships. To face the reality around us – pain and all. Taking ownership of our entire storyline - what has happened to us and what we have done – and with God’s loving guidance and those trusted people he puts in our life - integrate it all into the person He has created us to be.

And if it’s all too much, find comfort. Get support. Reach out. Lament and grieve, because this life is painful! And if you go it alone, you may survive, but you won’t thrive. You may stay safe, but you will not experience full joy and grace. You may be comfortable, but you’ll never know what you’re made of.

Rise up and take hold of the life you’ve been given! Join us in LIVING the year of 2022! You get to write your own reaction to the storyline that will most assuredly contain lots of spoilers.

The Crucible Project for Women is excited to announce that we have written a women’s second-level retreat, and registration is open for Redwoods women to attend! The retreat is the first of four retreat experiences we will release in the coming years to help grow and heal in all areas of their lives and leadership.

Unshackled: Breaking the Chains of Shame, was written and will be staffed by an incredible team of gifted Christian leaders, coaches, mental health practitioners, and soul work professionals, who are actively digging into their own wounds, shadow beliefs, and behaviors, and are seeing God’s transforming power in their stories in a miraculous way. Come experience freedom, renewal, forgiveness, and whole-heartedness at levels you never knew were possible in your own story. Shame keeps us stuck, safe, and disconnected from God and our identity. Explore how shame impacts your life and release its grip with kindness and compassion.

Register now. Open to women who have previously completed a Crucible Women’s Retreat.

Next Retreat: February 4-6, 2022

Essential Components of Creating a Crucible Container: Staff

Last weekend, we completed our eighth and final women’s Crucible retreat of 2021! The large growth we’ve seen could not have been accomplished without the large teams of volunteer staff that put on these retreats.

The staff of a Crucible retreat work for months before the event, memorizing lines, weaving their personal stories into their teachings, gathering supplies, and Women have shared that they staff for many different reasons – some come to support a friend or relative who is participating in the weekend. Others want to pay forward the gifts they received on their weekend. Some want to deepen their understanding of the concepts we teach. Still more want to stretch their leadership through the challenges and obstacles that come with the various roles on the weekend.

Peggy R. (AR) served as an elder on the last retreat, and she shared that she receives support and encouragement from staffing a retreat. It helps her accept the truth that “I am wanted and needed. My challenge is to ask for help and be willing to accept it.”

Erin H. (Mexico) says staffing challenges her to make time to prepare and be courageous to step out/up and take on new roles. She also shared that through staffing she receives “connection and friendship with other women who live in authenticity. We can have a different depth in our friendships. I don’t feel alone. I also gain more self-knowledge and understanding as I continue to process myself and see myself reflected in the other women’s work.”

Erica S. (TX) was impacted by how she, “…was seen, heard, and accepted just as I am… [I felt] loved. I wish I had known before the weekend how easy it would be to fulfill my roles.”

Jess D. (NH) shared “I receive renewed hope each time I staff. I watch the miracles on miracles that take place as each woman wrestles through her own darkness. Each time it’s like I get my own healing and freedom from each women’s work… Some of what I found most challenging in staffing is showing up with my own “stuff” in front of me. Each time staffing I’ve had to wrestle through my own feelings of inadequacy, as I show up for the participants. Staffing is golden, because we are encouraged to put those pieces in front of us, and press in through it to see what’s true.”

As I’ve reflected on the joys and challenges of staffing and heard other women’s thoughts, I’ve come back to the original meaning of a crucible, which is essentially a container in which metallic elements are melted to be cast into new objects or to create a new alloy. The crucible must be able to withstand extremely high temperatures. The individual staff women, in all of the complexity of who they are and the stories they bring with them, are an essential component of creating a Crucible retreat container that can hold the women as they are truly melted down and recast into a new creation!

Thank you to all of the staff of our retreats this year, and if you haven’t before, consider signing up to staff a weekend in 2022!

Crucible Women –

We’re excited to announce our first second-level weekend for women: Unshackled - Breaking the Chains of Shame! This retreat, available to women who have attended the Crucible Women’s Weekend, is a deep dive into breaking free from the shame-based identities that bind us, and participants will walk away knowing at a core level who God has created us each to be.

The reality is that in order to bring this weekend to the Crucible community, we need to raise additional funds. We’re asking you, the women’s community, to consider giving financially to help with the costs of making this weekend successful! It’s no secret that the pandemic has delayed and impacted our ministry in huge ways, but the good news is that this transformative work continues because of each of you! So many of you have asked for more – please help us bring more through this retreat!

Our goal is to hold a pilot of this retreat February 4-6, 2022. We greatly appreciate your generosity of any amount – it adds up!

Here is how you can contribute:

Follow this link:

- Select the "Give Now" button.
- In Give To - Select: ‘Crucible Annual Fund’ from the drop-down menu
- Type in your donation amount

- In the Memo put: ‘Women’s Second Level Retreat’
- Fill out your personal info
- Select your payment method and hit ‘Submit’

The Crucible Project is a 501©(3) nonprofit ministry, so your gift is tax deductible. Also, when you give a gift of any amount to the organization, you'll receive an exclusive Crucible sticker, as a small token of our thanks to you for supporting this work. 

If giving financially isn't feasible for you at this time but you still want to be a part of supporting the work for women, there are many other ways, whether volunteering your time administratively, through supporting your local community or connecting women across the miles. Maybe you want to help make the women's weekend stronger. Maybe you love groups. Regardless, there's a way that your time and talents can be put to use in a life-giving, missional way in supporting women in their growth. All you have to do is reach out and we'll get you plugged in.

- Lisa Modrzejewski, Women's Ministry Leader

Making up Stories

When I first started participating in The Crucible Project community, I often heard people start their sentences with variations on the phrase, “The story I tell myself about that is…”

I had a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept for a while. For instance, a woman might say, “My husband hasn’t contacted me yet this weekend. I make up a story that he’s glad that I’m gone, is living it up and trashing the house while I’m gone.” My belief about that type of situation then was, “Well, if it’s happened before, then it must be true. Or if that’s how you feel, then it’s his responsibility to dispel that fear for you.” I was approaching the world from a place of making other people responsible for my feelings, and even going so far as to believe I knew why people do what they do. Well, if my husband really cared about me, he would call me. It’s a universal value and expectation, right?

As I stepped deeper into soul work through exploring my own motivations, unspoken expectations and values, I began to recognize more when I was “making up a story” about what was happening around me and learned how to check these things out.

How about you? Do you know that you can’t actually know what someone else is thinking, why they do what they do, and vice versa? Here are some steps that help with identifying when you’re making up a story before you take action based on that story.

  1. Determine the unarguable facts of the situation. In this example, a woman is away from home and she last spoke to her husband when he kissed her goodbye as she left the house. Since she doesn’t know what he’s thinking or what is happening at home, it is not a proven fact that he is trashing the house or that he’s glad that she’s gone unless he said it to her. Other facts that may be contributing though is a past time when she returned from being gone and he said to her, “It was nice to have the house to myself this weekend!” and he left his belongings strewn about while she was gone.
  2. Ask yourself “What is the story I’m making up about this?” The story here may be that “Because he’s done this in the past, I think he might do it again.”
  3. Next, identify your feelings about the situation. Keep it to simple feeling words like sad, angry, scared, tender, etc. Notice if you want to use a word like betrayed, unloved, discarded, victimized.. or other words that end in -ed. If words like these come up, ask yourself “When I’m believing that someone has betrayed me, what feelings come up?” and try to get it back to an emotion word. You may also notice that you say “that makes me feel..” the word make is another clue here that you’re making up a story! You’re believe that someone else is making you feel something, rather than noticing how you feel in a given situation. Saying that someone else is making you do or feel something keeps you in a state of powerlessness.
  4. Next, reflect back on other times you’ve felt this way or (this may be hard to admit) identify ways that you do this too. For instance, there are times when my husband is gone that I haven’t contacted him at all. In my case, it can be because I don’t want to bother him, or because I know that what I want to talk to him about will take more time than he has available to get into it, so I choose to wait. Regardless of the reason, it opens me up to compassion, understanding and openness to the other person.
  5. Finally, ask yourself what you want for yourself around the issue and/or what you might want to ask of someone else to help you get what you want for yourself.

This simple process can help you sift through situations that have the potential to result in conflict, misunderstanding and further pain with others, and is a great way to step into taking responsibility for yourself and the things that happen on “your side of the fence” with others.

If this all sounds like a foreign language to you, you’re in good company! I encourage you to reach out to someone else in the community, put your questions about this on the Initiated Women’s Facebook Community group, or drop in to a midweek check-in to ask for help.

Bless you as you take the risk to live differently!

- Lisa

 

Lovable.  Just the Way You Are.

My twelve-year-old daughter rushed past me, eager to run outside and meet her friends. I caught a glimpse of her mussed, unbrushed hair and saw that she was wearing a wrinkled old t-shirt and out-of-season fuzzy socks. I could feel words begging to tumble out of my mouth, while a part of me scrambled to catch them before it was too late, with no luck: “You’re not going out of the house looking like that, are you??” I saw my daughter flinch and shrink slightly upon impact.

At that moment, I remembered a scene from when I was about her age, and my own grandmother was screwing up her face and scrutinizing my ratty outfit, uncombed (and probably unwashed) hair, and said the same thing to me. Her expression was horrified, perplexed, and disgusted at the same time. I remember feeling embarrassed at the realization that I was not measuring up to her standards, and annoyed at what felt like her nagging and picking at me yet again.

Many years later, when I was young mom and beginning to unpack my childhood, she and I talked about those days and the intentions behind her attempts to get me to ‘clean up’. She said she had wanted to instill in me that I was worth taking care of. She wanted me to know that I should value my body and my appearance. She recognized that I didn’t know then how lovely I was, and she wanted to help me learn how to take care of myself.

Sadly, her intended message was completely lost on me as an adolescent girl. All I heard in her words then was criticism and disapproval. Grandma was always cleaning something or someone up. If it wasn’t me directly, it was my room, my things, or our house. Or she was teaching me to clean better. Or she was picking her own body apart. I remember her standing in front of the mirror lamenting about the extra ounces of fat she imagined were on her lean, petite frame. She cooked constantly for everyone else, but barely ate anything herself.

Now, I see that underneath, the driving force behind all of my grandma’s behaviors was love. She wanted something better for everyone. And by improving upon, changing, nagging, and criticizing, she was trying to show love or create an opportunity for people to be loved. She also was trying to make everyone around her more loveable. More acceptable. I believe that at her core, she didn’t know that she was loveable just as she was.

Do you know at a core level that you are lovable just the way you are? 

When I was trying to stop my daughter from going outside and being seen in a state that I deemed unpresentable, at my core, I was being driven by fear and love. Protective love because I don’t want her to be made fun of or experience embarrassment. But beyond that, for a moment I forgot that she is lovable just the way she is. I let fear take over and whisper to me that she might be lacking - or more likely, that I might be lacking something essential as mom if I allowed one of my children to be so unkempt! Shame… such a powerful tool.

This work continually challenges me to examine my motives, and I’m always amazed at the loving motives and truly good things that I and others are trying to get for ourselves and our loved ones, but often the ways and means that we go about achieving these things are harmful to ourselves and others!

When you move to correct someone or criticize, or to tell someone how to do something different, I invite you to stop and consider – what message might you send by your choice to tell that person to change? Is there a shadow of shame – belief that you are not enough in some way – that is triggered in you by the way they look, act or talk? How can you first look at yourself and address your own insecurities before fixing the magnifying glass on the other person? I invite you to bring these insecurities to your soul group, to the sisters and brothers you do life with, and hold them with open hands up to God. He can redeem our critical, shaming ways of loving and give birth to new, more joyous ways of loving and connecting with one another.

Lisa Modrzejewski

Women’s Ministry Leader

Handling Criticism

I do not like it when someone points out my areas of weakness. I don’t enjoy it when people remind me of things I haven’t done. I get triggered when anyone tells me that I made a mistake.

And when I hear it from my husband … Ugh!

  • “How much did you spend on clothes this time?”
  • “Are you ever going to deal with that pile of stuff on the counter?”
  • “Why didn’t you check with me before scheduling that appointment for Thursday night?”

The wonderful, life-long marital connection I thought I signed up for sometimes seems to be a constant reminder that I am not perfect. I’m not good enough. I’m flawed. I’m bad, etc. When I hear anything from my husband other than words of warmth, support, love and admiration, my mind seemingly twists it into these messages that condemn me and send me into a tailspin.

For years, I thought it was mostly him. Sure, I often put off planning dinner until the last minute and then threw together a mix of warmed leftovers, frozen vegetables served up an hour past when I said it would be ready. Sometimes I made plans in the evenings and didn’t tell him – but mostly it was his frustrated anger directed at me that was causing all my pain. I was a victim stuck in a marriage where my buttons were always being pushed.

When I attended The Crucible Project Weekend, I had an opportunity to see how I was doing life. It wasn’t a weekend about marriage, but I learned some things about myself that my family and friends had probably already known for years!

The reason I don’t like to receive anything that hints to criticism isn’t about him. It is about me.

  • Our husbands are not always being critical. We hear and accept their communication as criticism because it hits close to some belief we have about ourselves. They say, “What time is dinner going to be ready?” and we hear “You never have dinner ready on time. You’re lousy at taking care of our family. You’re a bad mom.”
  • We are much worse critics of ourselves than our husbands are. One of the reasons it pushes our buttons is because we agree in some form with the message we are hearing. Our self-talk is full of messages that we aren’t good enough, can’t do it right, we need to try harder or change, etc. When our spouse says something that might be close to it, we feel it.
  • What punches our buttons is a sure sign of our wounds. The reason we experience the same thing but only some of us have our buttons pushed is because we are wounded in different ways.

Ephesians 5:1 says “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

So how do I respond to my husband in love, when I’m set off by him getting close to my insecurities? Here are some ways to start:

  • Take a Time Out. Take a brief 30-minute or so from others and notice what you are feeling. Sad? Anger? Fear?
  • Hear the message. Perhaps there is a specific message you are hearing that is about you. Not what he is actually saying or the way he’s saying, but what are you hearing about you?
  • Curiously discover the source. Where have I heard this message before? What is an early time in my life where I might have picked this message up in some form? How is your button being pushed really about you?
  • Knee-jerk reaction. What do you feel like doing? What have you done in the past and how has that worked out for you and your relationship?
  • Think long term. If you are like me, you want a lifelong marriage with trusted commitment, deep connection and passionate love. What can you do to move toward that?
  • Discover his reasonable request. What can I responsibly do to move toward the lifelong love I want? Most of the time there is a reasonable request in what we hear as criticism from our spouse. What is the reasonable request, regardless of how it was said?
  • Take Action. Do something that leads toward the marriage you truly want. Own what you can of the criticism and take the opportunity to move in the area of the reasonable request.

I still don’t love being criticized or corrected by anyone. But I hear things differently from my husband and others today. I have unilaterally changed how I hear what my husband says and what I do with it. I don’t feel stuck, but instead feel powerful in that I am taking action that is creating the marriage that I’ve always wanted. And I’m still growing, and God and I are working on me so that I recognize when I’m feeling threatened. Then I can address what I can do to bring safety and love to myself. I’m on a journey with God!

I am interested to know if you have found a positive way to deal with criticism in your marriage:

  • What have you found that is helpful?
  • What would you recommend to other wives?

-Lisa

 

My 12-year-old daughter - my firstborn - and I went out to get frozen yogurt and walk around our neighborhood yesterday. My husband and I have a rotation of taking turns treating each of our kids to a parent-kid date each month. Since we have four kids, with this system each one of them gets a one-on-one date with mom or dad each month, and we parents get intentional time alone every other month with each of them.

My daughter talked excitedly about an upcoming church youth group trip and I focused on asking open-ended questions and learning more about her world. I have heard from parents with older kids that it’s unavoidable, but I find myself shocked that it sounds like she and I live on completely different planets. The minds and worlds of pre-adolescents are so far removed and foreign to this mid-30s, full-time, working, ministry mom & wife.

So, here’s my confession. It was her turn to go one-on-one with me last week. I didn’t make the date happen. My husband headed out of town for a trip and I realized too late that I was out of time, and it would have to wait until a week late.

She was so disappointed and she told me about her feelings with words, a huffy groan, and all the body language.

In that moment, I felt pain, shame and guilt at letting her down. I know - I tell other people this - that when parenting, it’s all the little things like this that add up to her trusting or not trusting me. And in that moment, I quickly remembered all the other little actions I've displayed that could have sent her the message that I *might not* do what I say I’m going to do next time. If I was outside looking in, watching us over time, I’d say she would be right on to be cautious about getting her hopes up too high about me and my promises!

Let's play this out. The next natural step for me in situations like this, after seeing my daughter's shoulders slump, her eyes close and her brow furrow, (looking strangely just like me when I’m crushed) is to beat myself up for doing this. To listen to the voice of shame saying I’m a lousy mom, how could you screw this up again, and determine that I need to get busy and work harder to prove I’m trustworthy. Or to scramble to placate her feelings and rescue her expectations. I know, I'll pay a babysitter to come over right away, and scrape together an experience at great cost to myself and the rest of the family, rather than let her or me sit in disappointment.

Or here - maybe I’ll subtly scold her for her reaction by listing off the many reasons why it just didn’t work out last week and how she should just understand. Also, now that I think about it, her reaction when she expressed her disappointment was bigger than I’m comfortable with - she needs to learn self-control and to manage her reactions to me. That whole thing bordered on disrespectful behavior. I am still her mother and she better remember that!

And - Hello, Indignation! What does she have to be disappointed about anyway? I do so much for her. I give her so much of my time and emotional energy. It’s not like she’s deprived! She should be grateful she has such devoted parents. Oh no. We’ve raised an entitled brat. She’s the problem here too!

My natural reaction when faced with my own shortcomings is to do any or all of these things. And for much of my life, I have perfected my own rotation of spending intimate time with each of these inner dialogues. Often - mercifully for others - I actually work through this internally, but sometimes with those closest to me (my husband and kids) I’ll force them to take a front row seat for the multi-act show of An Exhibition of The Many Ways Lisa Tries to Hide How Fragile She Is From Herself and Others.

Ugh. This is my life's work! This is our life's work. We all have our own carefully developed and refined ways to avoid taking responsibility and pull it off. For me, the work is to not beat myself up, or give into wallowing in shame, or demand that someone else edit their feelings to make it more comfortable for me to handle.

I’ve been equally convicted and reassured that I am strong enough to stand up under full responsibility by remembering the basic tenets of the Gospel first, and most recently books like White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo, 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Dethmer, Chapman and Klemp, and Loveable by Kelly Flanagan. A personal guideline I’ve derived from key passages in these books is this:

How, where, and when others give me feedback is irrelevant - it is their feedback I want and need. I will take it any way I can get it. I am perfectly safe and I can handle it. If I cannot handle it, it's on me to build my feedback stamina. The feedback I most react to has the most learning potential.

With my daughter, I’ll continue taking steps to show her that I intend to do what I say I’m going to do. I'll own up to it when I do miss a commitment (without making excuses or giving reasons, hopefully…) and accept her feelings without making it about me.

And when I catch that I am making it about me, because I definitely will again, I will have compassion and grace for myself. Additionally, I hope to teach my daughter that she doesn’t have to constantly watch herself, be at the ready to beat herself up for her shortcomings or defend and find ways to blame. Hopefully, she’ll learn that we’re meant to learn from mistakes, to grow and to change. Hopefully, she’ll also have compassion and grace for herself. Then, as I’m discovering what is true for me, she’ll probably have more capacity for compassion and grace for others.

- Lisa

 

Redwoods Sisters,

As we head out of spring and into the summer months, calendars begin to fill with celebrations and vacations! The kids and teachers are out of school for the summer! Graduations, weddings, anniversaries, vacations, family reunions – some that have been rescheduled from last year – crowd our weekends, and we’re overjoyed to have places to go and people to see!

Now, if being totally honest, in the past, making time for my own soul care in the summer has not been a very high priority. I am a warm-weather-loving girl who was born and raised in the Midwest and now lives here by choice. The Midwest, where we have four distinct seasons -bitterly cold, less cold, hot and humid, and getting cold again. I am going to squeeze every last drop out of the warm weather and it’s easy for me to look forward, live in the moment, and avoid like crazy anything that might drag me down like sadness, tough conversations, or looking “underneath the hood.”

And why not! King Solomon says,

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time to relish the sun while it’s shining down. A time to celebrate togetherness after a long season of separation and death. Whatever this next season brings for you, my prayer is that the women of Crucible would be in tune with ourselves – with our souls – and embracing the season that your soul is in. And, what I’m learning is that the more I tune in to the cry of my own heart and soul, the more space I have to embrace the sun and warmth and notice the varied needs of my own spirit beyond the joy, excitement and positivity of summer. There are memories, stories, hurts and pains that if gone unnoticed or untended to for a season are all the harder to deal with in the chill of the fall when the parties have dwindled and it’s time to come back down to earth.

During this summer, it’s even possible that the harder, heavier things will feel lighter in the bright sunshine.

If you’re ready to consider including soul care in your summer calendar, there are more opportunities than ever! Consider applying to staff a retreat like the St. Charles, IL, August 13-15th weekend, or attend a workshop like this one on Cultivating Joy, hosted by Tim & Kim Rush. You can join a group – we have several beginning in late May/early June for those who have never been in a group and have already been in a group. Or as always, join the drop-in lunchtime discussion on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Wednesdays of the month at 12pm CT for deep, authentic reflection and discussion around a topic.

Not sure where to start? Feel free to reach out to me or drop by the Facebook Group and ask for support. You’re worth it!

Lisa Modrzejewski

Women’s Ministry Leader

The Crucible Project

Contact Me

 

Spring Cleaning

Usually at this point in the year - mid-spring - I feel an itch to get rid of stuff. Call it spring cleaning, purging, or lightening the load, but nothing is off-limits. Nothing is safe from the chopping block, and I imagine that if my possessions were alive like Andy’s toys in Disney’s Toy Story movies, they would prepare themselves for the season of pruning with trepidation about who will be chosen to leave, dragged away in plastic trash bags to donation centers, offered up on garage sale sites, or left on the curb for trash day.

Practically speaking, my husband and I have a modest-sized home that is full with just us and our four energetic kids. We also have lots of activities we’re passionate about, so I want to spend as little time possible curating and maintaining our collections of stuff. However, during our Northern Illinois winters, I definitely hibernate from ‘stuff’ maintenance. I don’t feel much motivation to take on the piles lurking in the corners, forgotten closet shelves or - ugh, I don’t even want to speak of it - the many cardboard boxes stacked in the crawl space. So things build until the world and I thaw out and are ready to do the work of spring cleaning.

However, when it comes to the actual time to get rid of certain things, there’s a part of me that wakes up, becomes aware of what’s about to happen, and says a big “NO!!!!” to the part of me that wants to declutter. This part that blocks me from getting rid of things is especially hostile when it comes to my kids’ drawings and belongings, all clothing and shoes, papers and journals, handmade things, craft supplies, fabric, office supplies, or random things like antique jars. It gets stuck in one of two ways - in parting with things that I attach with a person or memory that I’m afraid of losing, or things that have creative potential.

The first part trips me up more than the second. I have deep-seated fear associated with losing memories, and often find myself keeping every shred of evidence of certain people, places and times - photos,

things they wrote on, things I wrote about them, things they owned or other objects that demonstrate the mark a person made on the world. I want to keep everything they touched, loved, cared about. These things remind me of who they were and help me ensure I never lose them, never forget them. This part of me believes that even if I DO lose them through death or relationship changes, I won’t feel the loss as strongly. If I can still recreate them with the pieces left behind, I could build a replica or reconstruction of them and keep the memories alive.

Do you relate in some way? As humans, we all do this in one way or another! We cling to things. Keeping them around keeps memories alive. A part of us blocks us from necessary decluttering in our lives. For those of you who don’t have ‘stuff’ issues, you’re not exempt from this… It’s a lot easier to look at someone whose physical home is obviously full, messy, cluttered, disorganized, etc. and think “they have a real problem.” But every person has their own version of crawl space full of musty cardboard boxes. If it isn’t physical belongings, it might be beliefs you cling to. It might be habits, phrases you say, certain relationships, and ways of relating. Even if you are the type of person who doesn’t keep sentimental stuff or someone who declutters freely, and doesn’t feel attached to physical items - that’s a dynamic that you choose to hold on to.

It all boils down to this when “spring cleaning” - is the way you’re doing it now working for you? What’s the cost of continuing to keep the things you have or the way you’re doing life? For me, there’s great cost to keeping lots of things. The stuff takes up space - mentally, emotionally, physically - and keeps me from being present in the now with those I love. Curating and maintaining collections of things and monuments to people I care about distracts me from healthy grief, healing, and joyful connection with God and others.

A great way to explore these dynamics within yourself is to get involved in the Crucible community. We’re all about intentionally taking inventory of our lives, and curating and maintaining ourselves - our one and only life - in a way that matches who God created and formed us to be. You can join a group, staff a weekend, meet with a coach, attend a workshop, sign up for My Journey To and watch some great soul work teachings. All of these things have helped me and countless others take back our lives from old, unwanted patterns and move forward with confidence in our purpose.

Blessings to you in your spring cleaning!

-Lisa Modrzejewski

Women's Ministry Leader

 

Leadership Transition Update

 

The Crucible Project became a 501c3 ministry in 2015 and has been led by a long line of volunteer Redwoods who served as Board Chair.  Redwoods who volunteer their time in these vital leadership positions annually choose the one they trust to lead the board in this vital position.

Timothy Hoeppner has served as the board chair more than the half the years he served on the board of directors.  His vision helped support the growth of the organization and the development of a board led to a sound, mission-centric team of diverse board members.

When Timothy announced that he would likely be stepping out of the board chair over a year ago, the Nominations Committee began having conversations about his replacement.  Overwhelmingly, board members recommended Linda Oury step into the role as our next board chair January 1, 2021.

Timothy stated, “It has been wonderful to be a part of this talented board of Christ-like Redwoods.  I am so pleased that Linda Oury agreed to serve as the next board chair and anticipate the board under her leadership will continue at the high-level of guidance that it has over the past several years.”

Linda shared the following statement.

“I am honored and humbled to take this role given the deep impact Crucible has had on Lon’s and my marriage, our family, and lives.  Huge thanks to Tim Hoeppner for how he grew the board using his keen ability to distill issues, listen to all board members, and lead from a place of faith.

I'm excited about our 5-year plan and the innovative services it outlines for reaching more men and women in new geographies.   We go forward trusting our King for wisdom and guidance in this next phase of Crucible.  With that, I'm in....”

Roy Wooten shared, “I will remain forever grateful for Timothy Hoeppner’s years of excellent leadership and service to Crucible.  I am excited about Linda’s depth of corporate leadership experience that she brings to this position.  Her and Lon’s love of Crucible over the last decade-plus and her deep wisdom will serve the stability and continuity of what God is doing through his ministry.”

May God continue to bless this ministry and this leadership transition.

Meet our Women's Leadership Team

Andrea Ray resides in Buffalo Grove, IL with Douglas, her husband of 29 years.  She is the mother of 3 adult children and works full-time as the Education Manager at The Society for Academic Emergency Medicine (SAEM). 

Andrea attends Arlington Countryside Church in Arlington Heights, IL where she has served as Women’s Ministry Leader, retreat organizer and speaker, Sunday School teacher, and Upward Basketball Referee.

In her spare time she enjoys hiking, biking, reading, and playing video games.

After completing her initial weekend with Women Revealed in May 2017, she has been an integral part of the Soul Work community and has recently become certified as a ShadowWork® Facilitator.  

She initially started working with The Crucible Project in April 2019 staffing the first pilot weekend.  Since then she has served on the Women’s Leader Council as a certified carpet leader and growth group leader.

 “I can’t get enough of seeing God work powerfully in people’s lives through The Crucible Project.  I credit TCP for the tremendous growth that I see in myself, my husband (Nov 2017), and our marriage.  The last 3 years of marriage have been the best yet!  My husband and I are committed to supporting this ministry in hope that other individuals and couples will experience the same freedom and growth as a result of being part of the Crucible community.” Andrea

Phoenix,  otherwise known as, Katherine Elmore, has flown life’s journey for the last 53 years. She has a nest full of testosterone with her partner and love, David “Ram” Elmore and the boys she adores Colby, 26 at the University of Texas, Tyler and Dawson, 17 at Mineola High School and many others who pass through their home.  

She has invested in the lives of others by dedicating her life and energy to education. After 31 years in education as a teacher, director, assistant principal and principal, she and her youngest are finally in the same building and the same classroom at the same time. She is ending her career the same way she began as an English teacher in the classroom trying to figure out what is the best thing to do for students.  

Katherine tiptoed into The Crucible Project after watching her husband for two years and seeing the incredible transformation and tools that he discovered in the work. Once she was bitten with the passion for women’s hearts, she dove in and never looked back. She began not only learning but also leading first as an observer, then a teacher of processes, group leader and now as a Weekend Leader.  

Katherine is a preacher’s kid who was born on a Sunday morning and has been involved in her church ever since. She currently attends Summit Heights Fellowship in Hawkins, TX where she teaches women’s Bible studies and volunteers in the nursery.  

Katherine is committed to growing women and giving them the tools by which they can step into their power and pursue their dreams and healing. The Crucible Project is one avenue that allows that to happen.

Linda lives in Wheaton, IL with her husband, Lon.  They have 4 children and 6 grandchildren.  She is recently retired from Bright Horizons Family Solutions where she was a leader of operations for their employer sponsored and community early childhood education centers.  She has served several terms on the boards of Wellspring Alliance Church and at New Moms, a non-profit organization in Chicago serving mothers and children to break the cycle of poverty.  She serves on The Crucible Project Board and meets with the Women's Retreat Leader Council.   

She became involved with Crucible about 10 years ago when her husband attended his first weekend.  Through the transformation that occurred through his involvement, their marriage and other relationships have been changed for the good in so many significant ways.  She began her own soul work through Women Revealed shortly after Lon started and after they attended a couple's weekend.  She attended her first Crucible weekend in 2019.  She loves Crucible for all it has meant to her and Lon and for how it so uniquely combines their faith, bodies, minds, and hearts to lead us to new ways of living and growing.

 

Valerie has been involved in soul work since 2011 when she did her initial weekend. She is a Certified Carpet Leader within the Crucible Project, and is on the leadership track to become a Weekend Leader. She has been a part of the women's work since the inaugural weekend and has continued to serve in various leadership capacities. Valerie is a Certified ShadowWork Facilitator and continues to invest her energy, passion, and love into others by helping people find their gold. Professionally, Valerie is a psychotherapist, who incorporates soul work into her practice with clients. She has been married to her husband for 3 years, they are expecting their first child in the coming month and also have a dog. Valerie will be taking her maternity leave in the coming months, but is as committed as ever to this work, organization, and to facilitating as much freedom to men and women as God has called her to. Our journey continues together! Ahoo! 

Sharon Cooper has been involved in soul work since 2007 when she did her initial weekend.  Sharon has served on several Boards and has been an active member of the Crucible Board of Directors since January 2020.  Sharon has been part of the women's work since the first pilot weekend.  She has staffed every weekend but one.  She has served by leading growth and development groups at the Crucible and is currently the chair of the quality assurance team reviewing new ways of doing soul work.  Sharon is finalizing her Certified ShadowWork Coaching Facilitator and continues to help people and groups become their best versions of themselves. 

Professionally, Sharon is Enterprise Business Agility Consultant with over 3 decades of experience working for a top Fortune 50 company.  Sharon is a certified IcAgile Coach and Facilitator.  She specializes in working with teams around the world in organizational transformation, culture change, agile practice adoption and engagement strategies.  Sharon runs global cohorts to train managers and executives about the differences between coaching and mentoring.  She specializes in organizational change in a diverse workforce. Sharon is married with one daughter who is a Freshman at Grand Canyon University.  Sharon is grateful for the opportunity to be part of the Crucible Organization and is committed to Soul work and ushering in greater levels of awareness and freedom to individuals and groups.  

Lisa, “Jersey Calf,” grew up in a big family on a dairy farm in rural Iowa. She left the cornfields behind to attend college (but really, to be closer to her boyfriend) at Trinity International University in Chicago, and never looked back. She and her then-boyfriend, Chris, were married, settled down in the Northwest Suburbs, and started their family. Chris has been a pastor at Arlington Countryside Church in Arlington Heights for 14 years, and their family has grown to include their four talkative and outgoing social butterflies, ages 11, 10, 7 and almost 3. 

In 2015, childhood wounds and the hardships of family life & ministry led them both to attend initial weekends. The experiences were life-changing, and Lisa dove into staffing weekends and inviting her loved ones to attend. (Yes, some were offended.) The rest is history! Whenever she staffs a weekend, she comes home a stronger woman, a better wife and a better mother.

Lisa has been actively involved with Crucible women’s work since the first pilot weekend in April 2019. Recently, she stepped into the full-time role of Women’s Ministry Leader. She previously served as Women's Community Development Specialist. She is a certified carpet facilitator and group leader, is working toward Retreat Leader, and is a member of the Women’s Retreat Leader Council.

“On my first Crucible weekend, I was blown away by the grace I experienced when I faced my shadows. The freedom and confidence I found when taking responsibility for my choices and their consequences, intended and unintended. The lessons of the weekend were just what my shame-laden soul needed. I’m committed to bringing this passionate, powerful work to women everywhere, and empowering others to do the same.”

Nurses: On Mission

Celebrating Nurse's day & week in May - we would like to feature some of our Crucible nurses in their own words. With help from Rachel Shubin, we bless all of you who work on the front lines during these trying times.  May God protect and bless your holy mission.

Sherri Smith  RN, BSN, CEN, Broken Arrow, OK

This is hard because nurses do not typically boast about themselves.  I have been an ER nurse for twenty years.  It is a trying and difficult job/career that I love (most days). This past six months of the COVID 19 pandemic is the first time that I was actually scared that I wouldn’t be able to help people, and that things would be out of my control.

Luckily I live in Oklahoma and we didn’t have as many cases as New York or others states. We did what we knew and it wasn’t working. We have learned a lot and saved people and worked our way through the first round. In this I found a new love for being an ER nurse.

I have been able to speak and comfort people with God's help. We have drawn closer as coworkers and dependent on the generosity of others.  It is the year of the nurse and I have never felt more appreciated and so proud to do my calling.  

Jara Willis ICU/CCU/Trauma Registered Nurse, Houston, Texas

Jara states that certain things have changed for her during the COVID-19 pandemic, such as the inability to wear make-up or anytime of moisturizer w/ SPF because it makes it difficult to effectively recycle the N-95 masks or the day to day changes in the distribution/use of personal protective equipment, which causes a lot of stress and anxiety. This has caused daily headaches, tender/sore ears and redness/indentions from wearing a mask for an entire 12 hour shift.

The idea of "do no harm" is put into jeopardy. As a nurse, it is Jara’s instinct to rush into a patient's room when they are in cardiac arrest and start the Code-Blue process. Now she must take the time to wash hands, mask, gown and gloves while the patient is losing precious time for effective recovery.

Jara feels disconnected from her patients and their families because of initially having no visitors and having to wear masks. There is no stopping at the grocery store on her way home from work in her scrubs anymore.

Jara says that she hasn’t had any bad encounters when she has done this, but some co-workers have actually been cussed out and told "they were selfish" for doing so. What they don't know is that when we are working in the designated COVID POD in the ICU, we are given hospital issued scrubs to change into and out of in order to protect themselves and our families. Jara states, “As a nurse I would never intentionally put anyone in harm's way.”

Erica Sorenson, RN, BSN, CEN, Tulsa, Oklahoma

Working in a metropolitan Trauma Center ER has been surreal during this pandemic. ER nurses have been notorious for not caring about PPE because we see everything and probably having everything (except for bedbugs....we will gown up, boot up, cover the hair & duct tape ourselves!)

During all this pandemic, in Oklahoma I have seen a massive decrease in number of patients, while we also seeing a massive increase in how sick my patients have been. I have seen an increase in death, including young people dying.

I had a lot of personal conflicting emotions. On one hand my life didn’t change too much. I wasn’t having to work from home, stuck at home not seeing anyone but my family. I went to work like normal & saw people!

But on the other hand, I am struggling holding hands of the dying day after day, in the place of family members, and not very many people in my inner circle truly understood what that is like.

Beth Todd, BSN RN TNCC (trauma nurse certification), Chicago, Illinois

Being an ER nurse is what I was called to do. It comes naturally to me. I empathize with my patients and have learned to listen to what they need. As a COVID nurse in the ER, it is a mental and physical and emotional job.

I am always on high alert, as things can turn for the worse really quickly. And it can be scary. Each time I see a COVID patient, I have to protect myself physically. I gown and glove and put on two masks and a “riot shield”. Then I try and adjust my nursing skills to give what each patient may need. And sometimes, no matter what I do, it isn’t enough. And it is their time to go.

At those times, I sit with the patient as they are dying and give them support. I call and meet with the family and explain what happened and the reasons why. I listen to them. I pray with them. I cry with them.

And then when it is all said and done, I will continue on with other patients and potentially do it all over again. There are times when I leave work so exhausted, I can’t function the next day. But I feel proud that I have given my all to my patients.

We love you and are praying for you!

Next Woman: Sharon Cooper

Sharon Cooper is quickly becoming an integral part of the growth of The Crucible Project for Women. She serves on the Leadership Committee, is leading the website redesign committee and serves as an elder and facilitator on weekends. She is using her God given gifts of leadership and discernment to come around other Crucible Project women and take us all into new territory.

Rachel Shubin describes Sharon in this way, “She shows up with vision, confidence and gentleness. Sharon guides, encourages and affirms other women, while holding true to herself. Sharon is able to lead and follow well. She inspires me to explore and love the Queen inside of me.”

Sharon lives in the suburbs of Chicago with her husband Chris, an initiated TCP man, and her 17 year old daughter Kayla. She was introduced to soul work through marriage counseling in 2006. She stepped in boldly with a desire for real authentic relationships. Since accepting that calling, soul work has touched many parts of her life. She has even facilitated clearings with her daughter’s friends and their mothers when the girls have had disagreements.

After 30 years with IBM even her company is calling on her experience with soul work to lead the company through cultural and growth change. Sharon is now in a position where she is leading staff and co-workers through enneagram studies and accountability practices in a corporate environment. God ordained and God led, Sharon is able to bring so much to men and women around her.

Deb Gustafson says, “As a senior leader at The Crucible Project for Women, Sharon helps us focus on what success looks like by facilitating deliberate, thoughtful retrospectives after each weekend. Using the tools she has mastered in her professional life, we build on our learning, celebrate what went well, and decide together how to continuously improve. Sharon is laser-focused on the participant experience and is an invaluable member of our The Crucible Project for Women leadership team.”

Christen Burns has had the privilege of working with Sharon for over a decade. She says “Sharon has this unique ability to envision all that could be while staying grounded. She invites everyone to reach up and dream without fear of doing that alone. Sharon is a wise, discerning, loving, and wildly capable Matriarch, fostering the growth of everyone in her care.”

Sharon Cooper is a trailblazer, but more than just blazing a trail she is calling the women around her to blaze their own trails in every direction. What direction are you being called in?