When Men Refuse the Challenge
Marcus Warner describes Type C trauma as the wound that comes through comparison. It is not always abuse or catastrophe. Sometimes it is the slow internal belief that another man is stronger, smarter, more spiritual, more capable, more confident, or more valuable than we are. Over time, comparison can quietly shape the way a man approaches challenge, conflict, leadership, and even intimacy.
When some men are challenged, rather than accepting or even becoming aggressive, they hold still. More often, they simply do not step into the challenge. They become elusive, passive, resistant, or avoidant. On the surface it can look like laziness or apathy. Underneath, however, is often a comparison wound. The challenge itself awakens a fear that says, “I cannot measure up to this man’s energy, expectations, abilities, or confidence.” Rather than risk failure, many men simply disengage.
Paul addresses this tendency in Galatians 6 when he writes, “Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else.”
Comparison is deceptive in two directions. First, we can compare ourselves to someone we perceive as weaker and gain a false sense of superiority. Second, and perhaps more dangerous for many men, we compare ourselves to someone we perceive as superior and conclude we will never become what they are. The result is often shame, passivity, blame-shifting, or withdrawal.
Paul’s solution is surprisingly practical: compare yourself with yourself.
Where were you a year ago? Where are you now? What has God been transforming in you? What fear have you faced? What responsibility have you embraced? What truth can you now live that once controlled you?
Healthy growth comes when a man measures progress against who he used to be, not against another man’s calling, gifting, or personality.
The second solution is equally important. Step into the challenge your way.
Many men avoid challenge because they assume they must carry another man’s energy in order to succeed. But the challenger’s strengths are not necessarily your strengths. One man may lead boldly and loudly. Another may lead steadily and quietly. One may confront directly. Another may bring calm clarity and wisdom. The goal is not imitation. The goal is maturity.
A challenge can still be accepted without abandoning the way God designed you.
Comparison says, “Become him.”
Wisdom says, “Become fully yourself.”
Men heal from comparison trauma when they stop trying to win someone else’s race and begin courageously walking their own.
Reporting out:
Several trainings are in the works for the next 2 months. Check the website.
Otherwise, be mindful that we have a retreat July 17-19 offered in the Houston, TX area. If you have someone who can travel to a retreat, remind them of this one.
Mark your calendars for the Annual Gathering in Houston, TX, June 26-27.
Upcoming Trainings
- All trainings are located at the following link within the Redwoods page: https://thecrucibleproject.org/training-schedule/
- Lisa Modrzejewski is leading a daytime Advanced Process Training weekly for the next few months. Check the website for the dates and which training she is offering next.
Tips and tricks:
I often wrestle with how much our retreat offers. That affects the way I talk about who we are and what we do.
Lately, I have tried a couple of different approaches:
- I describe our work as guiding a man who shows up wanting to become “this man,” while recognizing that his current behavior may not yet reflect that desire. Our retreat offers him an opportunity to show up as the man he is now pointing toward the man he hopes to become. We create a series of exercises designed to guide him toward becoming the man of God he wants to be.
- I use this approach with a man who has already been doing work in his life: Part of our work is asking four questions: “Who are you?”, “What do you want?”, “What is getting in the way of that?”, and “What are you going to do to get it?”
Try these out and let me know how it goes.
As always, I am available to you if you need any other guidance. Email me.
Upcoming Retreats:
We officially have finished the first half of the retreats for the year. Our next retreat is July 17-19 at Land of My Grandfathers near Houston, TX.
The August retreat staffs should be meeting and forming. Be in prayer for a good start to the second half of retreat season.
In the meantime, be developing those relationships with those you wish to invite to a retreat now targeting the late summer retreats.
Groups:
Support your community by starting new groups at the first of the year.
Continue to follow up with men and keep them engaged. You can engage them by encouraging them to lead Exploration groups. You can gather men and create a Journey group. Men can join a curriculum driven Growth Group. It is never too late to join the 2-year program.
If you have started a new group you will need to register your groups on the website – Group Leaders, fill out the form that’s on this page ASAP!!
Go to https://thecrucibleproject.org/redwoods/groups/ . Log in to the REDWOODS section if prompted. Scroll to the bottom of the page and locate the section titled 'FOR CURRENT GROUP LEADERS'. Click the GROUP LEADER FORM button and complete all required fields carefully. Once submitted, you will receive an email confirmation that your group is live on the Groups
Finally:
From Day 25 of the 40 Days of Leadership Training eBook on our outward-facing website: You don’t become like Jesus because you learned something – you become like Jesus because you practiced something.
Blessings
Putting Away Childish Ways: Meeting Jesus Between the Child and Adult
There is a moment many leaders know well but rarely talk about. You come home tired after carrying the weight of leadership, responsibility, and expectations. Someone asks a simple question — your spouse, a staff member, a friend — and suddenly your response comes out sharper than you intended. The tone surprises even you. The frustration feels bigger than the moment itself. And afterward comes that quiet realization: Where did that come from?
For many leaders, these moments are not simply about stress or bad communication. They often reveal something deeper: the unfinished emotional wounds we still carry from childhood.
The apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” Paul is not condemning childlike wonder or playfulness. He is describing maturity — emotional and spiritual maturity. He is describing the process of no longer allowing the wounded child within us to control our reactions.
True immaturity is not reckless behavior or foolish adventures. It is emotional overreaction rooted in unresolved pain. Most men do not wake up intending to lash out, withdraw, become sarcastic, or emotionally shut down. Yet when something touches an old wound — rejection, shame, fear, abandonment — the “inner child” often grabs the steering wheel before the mature adult has a chance to respond.
That child is not evil. Often, that child is scared.
Our emotional brains developed long before we had the wisdom or language to process pain. Maybe a father’s anger created fear. Maybe neglect created insecurity. Maybe betrayal created mistrust. Those early experiences shaped emotional reflexes that still emerge in adulthood. A tone of voice, criticism, conflict, or disappointment can awaken those old wounds, and suddenly we are reacting not as mature adults, but as hurt children trying to protect ourselves.
Leaders can be especially vulnerable because our U.S. culture often rewards appearing composed, strong, and spiritually mature. But pretending we are unaffected by emotional pain does not produce maturity. In many ways, denial itself becomes another form of immaturity.
The answer is not shame. It is not trying harder to suppress emotion. The answer is inviting Jesus into the space between the wounded child and the mature adult.
Healing begins when we allow Jesus to meet us honestly in our pain. We can ask: What did that younger version of me need? Safety? Love? Acceptance? To be seen? Christ does not approach those wounds with condemnation. He brings truth, compassion, and restoration. Then, when present-day situations trigger those old reactions, we learn to pause and ask a different question: Jesus, what is true right now?
This is where maturity grows — not through perfection, but through awareness, humility, repentance, and dependence on Christ.
One practical framework for this journey is a process called SPRRR:
- Stop — Pause before reacting. Ask yourself who is driving: the mature adult or the wounded child?
- Pray — Speak honestly with God about what you are feeling. Raw and real words, not over-spiritualized babbling.
- Reflect — Ask Jesus what wound or lie may be underneath the reaction.
- Repent & Restore — Own your failures quickly and repair relationships where needed.
- Re-Launch — Intentionally choose a healthier response moving forward.
This process is not a formula for instant transformation. It is a framework for walking with Jesus in real time.
Maturity is not measured by age, position, or title. It is revealed in our willingness to surrender our reactions, face our wounds honestly, and allow Christ to shape how we respond. The goal is not to silence the child within us, but to stop allowing that child to drive our lives.
The next time old wounds reach for the steering wheel, pause long enough to invite Jesus into the moment. Because true maturity is not becoming emotionless — it is becoming whole.
Reporting out:
As our first half of the year retreat season closes, we are thankful to God for providing opportunities and growth as we have touched the lives of many men.
Here are some numbers from this fiscal year (June ’25 -June ’26):
40 Initial retreats
800+ new Redwood men!
250+ Redwoods attending second-level retreats
Well done men!!!
I was again blessed to travel to Kenya and be a part of both an initial retreat and Leadership Darkside. I am thankful to Judson Poling, Dan Ripple, and Ty Roberts as they traveled over as well and supported these retreats masterfully.
This community is maturing rapidly. These men did over 90% of the leading, planning, teaching, etc. Look out Africa, Kenya will be the hub of Crucible Soul work!!
Kenya, Initial retreat:
Kenya, Leadership Darkside:
Mark your calendars for the Annual Gathering in Houston, TX, June 26-27.
Upcoming Trainings
- All trainings are located at the following link within the Redwoods page: https://thecrucibleproject.org/training-schedule/
- Lisa Modrzejewski is leading a daytime Advanced Process Training weekly for the next few months. Check the website for the dates and which training she is offering next.
Tips and tricks:
When describing what our retreat is about, consider asking if the person you are talking to, “Are you all you can be in Christ right now?” The answer is surely, “no”. Then offer that we meet you where you are and give you opportunities to begin the journey to being that man.
As always, I am available to you if you need any other guidance.
Upcoming Retreats:
We officially have finished the first half of the retreats for the year. Our next retreat is July 17-9 at Land of My Grandfathers near Houston, TX. The retreat season ramps back up in August.
In the meantime, be developing those relationships with those you wish to invite to a retreat now targeting the late summer retreats.
Groups:
Support your community by starting new groups at the first of the year.
Continue to follow up with men and keep them engaged. You can engage them by encouraging them to lead Exploration groups. You can gather men and create a Journey group. Men can join a curriculum driven Growth Group. It is never too late to join the 2-year program.
If you have started a new group you will need to register your groups on the website – Group Leaders, fill out the form that’s on this page ASAP!!
Go to https://thecrucibleproject.org/redwoods/groups/ . Log in to the REDWOODS section if prompted. Scroll to the bottom of the page and locate the section titled 'FOR CURRENT GROUP LEADERS'. Click the GROUP LEADER FORM button and complete all required fields carefully. Once submitted, you will receive an email confirmation that your group is live on the Groups
Finally:
Application of experience separates the wise and the foolish. How are you applying what you have learned about yourself in everyday life?
Blessings
Is It Me?
Early in my leadership as a principal, I made a common leadership mistake.
There were times when a few teachers weren’t following a policy or keeping up with an assigned task. Instead of addressing it directly, I would send a general email to the entire staff—reminding everyone of the policy and asking them to adhere to the instructions.
Invariably, the teachers who were already diligent—the ones faithfully following policy and completing their tasks—would come to me and ask, “Is it me?”
Rather than going to the few who were not following through and speaking to them directly, I hid behind a general email. In doing so, I unintentionally stirred up the tender hearts of those who were already doing the right thing.
I was reminded of this recently during a Bible study when we were talking about Judas.
Now, Jesus was a perfect leader. His moments of mystery had purpose. This wasn’t like my poorly aimed emails.
In the upper room, during the Last Supper, Jesus told His disciples, “One of you will betray me.” And I can imagine each of them quietly wondering, “Is it me?”
In fact, one of them asked outright, “Who is it?” And Jesus responded in a way that was, again, somewhat veiled.
Add to that this reality: during His three years with them, Jesus regularly exposed blind spots in His disciples’ lives. So, it’s not hard to see why they might genuinely ask themselves, “Is it me?”
In our study, we watched a video where a well-known Christian teacher made a striking point: each of us has a little bit of Judas in us. In the sense that, at times, we all have a price for which we might sell Jesus out. Even Peter denied Him—for the sake of personal safety.
So, I see two invitations in this.
First, the lies we believe about ourselves will often lead us to ask, “Is it me?”—even when we’ve been faithful and diligent in following Jesus. The enemy’s primary weapon is the lie, and he often uses people or situations in our lives to reinforce or plant those lies. So, when that question rises up, it’s worth pausing and asking: What lie might I be believing right now?
Second, when that same question surfaces, it’s also worth asking from a different angle: Where might it actually be me? Where might I be selling out Jesus for comfort, approval, control, or safety? And where do I need to repent and turn back toward Him?
The question “Is it me?” can either be a doorway into unnecessary shame or a doorway into deeper truth. The difference lies in what’s driving it. When it’s rooted in lies, it leads to confusion and self-doubt. When it’s rooted in humility before God, it leads to clarity, repentance, and growth.
Therefore, when the question comes, don’t run from it—but don’t blindly accept it either. Bring it into the light. Let Jesus reveal what is true, what is not, and what your next step toward Him needs to be.
Reporting out:
In the next few weeks, we head into a busy stretch that ends our retreat season for the Spring.
As we begin to come to the middle of the calendar year, be mindful of how you are promoting this work and inviting men to the upcoming Summer and Fall retreats.
At publishing, Retreat Leader, Judson Poling has successfully led an online intensive of our retreat for 12 Philippine men. We hope to have a second online intensive in the Fall and then a live retreat in the Philippines in 2027.
Join me at the Annual Gathering in Houston, TX, June 26-27.
Upcoming Trainings
- All upcoming trainings are located at the following link within the Redwoods page
- Lisa Modrzejewski is leading a daytime Advanced Process Training weekly for the next few months. Check the website for the dates and which training she is offering next.
Tips and tricks:
If you have a good relationship with your Church leadership, then I would recommend offering our Exploration Group as a class. Allow the Church to name the group what they want, use the curriculum as your framework.
Note: be clear it is not a Bible study but an application of Biblical life.
As always, I am available to you if you need any other guidance.
Upcoming Retreats:
Be in prayer for these retreats:
- April 24-26, Sexuality – Connecticut
- April 23-26, Initial – Southern California
- May 1-3, Initial – Tulsa
- May 1-3, Initial – Mexico
- May 1-3, Initial – Kenya
- May 1-3, Initial – Australia
- May 8-10, Leadership Darkside – Kenya
- May 15-17, Initial – Colorado
Groups:
Support your community by starting new groups at the first of the year.
Continue to follow up with men and keep them engaged. You can engage them by encouraging them to lead Exploration groups. You can gather men and create a Journey group. Men can join a curriculum driven Growth Group. It is never too late to join the 2-year program.
If you have started a new group you will need to register your groups on the website – Group Leaders, fill out the form that’s on this page ASAP!!
Groups Page Link . Log in to the REDWOODS section if prompted. Scroll to the bottom of the page and locate the section titled 'FOR CURRENT GROUP LEADERS'. Click the GROUP LEADER FORM button and complete all required fields carefully. Once submitted, you will receive an email confirmation that your group is live on the Groups
2 Year Program:
We have several new 2 Year Transformation Program cohorts starting up soon, both in person and online. Check out this article.
Continue
Finally:
In what ways have you been applying what you have learned about yourself in your everyday life?
Live more than your awareness, like Jacob, walk with the limp from your encounter with God.
Blessings
My Joy Journey
When I attended my initial retreat, likely the biggest challenge for me was what I wanted.
After some patient guidance and questioning by leaders, I landed on “Joy.” I identified with Badger. I was living as critical, cynical, jaded, and defensive— all joy-killers.
It has since been a sixteen-year journey to live, work, lead, and love from a joyful heart.
I have mentioned before that I am not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. However, I do look for ways to improve on the prior year. This year, I decided I would do what many others do. I would choose a word for the year based on what theme God has in my life. So, I chose… three. But they are interrelated. The main word is “Balance.” The supporting words are “Joy” and “Peace.”
Our church has been on a two-year discipleship journey. A key part of this journey has been a deep dive into our identity. This sounds familiar to our work… “Who are you?”
When I am living my true identity, the one God gifted me with coupled with an identity in Christ, joy comes more naturally.
A few authors I have been following of late—Jim Wilder, Marcus Warner, and Michael Hendricks—argue that joy is the central relational experience that shapes identity, regulates emotions, and sustains spiritual growth. Drawing from neuroscience, attachment research, and Christian spiritual formation, they define joy not as simple happiness but as the experience of being with someone who is genuinely glad to be with you. These moments of shared delight activate the brain’s relational circuits and build the internal capacity to remain connected even under stress. When these experiences are missing—often due to early relational wounds—the brain tends to shift into fear-based patterns such as shame, control, withdrawal, or hostility. For this reason, they contend that maturity and transformation are not primarily produced through information, discipline, or behavior change, but through growing the ability to remain relational and return to joy under pressure. Marcus Warner further develops this idea by identifying four habits of joy-filled people: they intentionally build joy through appreciation and relational connection, they practice quieting to restore their nervous system, they develop the ability to return to joy when they lose it, and they strengthen joy bonds with others through shared presence and gratitude. Over time, these practices increase a person’s emotional capacity and relational resilience, forming the foundation for healthy identity, mature leadership, and lasting spiritual formation (Wilder, Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You; Wilder & Warner, Rare Leadership; Hendricks, Warner & Wilder, The Other Half of Church; Warner, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled People).
With this in mind, what steps might you take to unlock your Joy?
Let me give what I have been practicing with some success as a prompt for you to step into your own joy journey:
• I am intentional to remain relational in the face of any adversity. This is a conscious effort to stay connected to individuals regardless of my judgments, dislikes, wounds, etc.
• I journal daily my gratitude. This is simply 2–6 sentences of things I am thankful for from the prior day. And, amazingly, God reveals something from each day.
• I continue to work on “Who am I?” in all circumstances. I am not the sum of my lies, circumstances, successes, and/or failures.
• I am continuing to read about identity and joy. Many intelligent authors have interpreted what God wants for us well.
As we say at the end of every process, “The journey continues…”. I am almost three months in, and I can feel a shift. There are bumps along the way, but the intentional focus has helped me continue to be transformed by the Holy Spirit.
Hopefully, you can glean a way to joy for yourself from my journey. If you are stirred, then don’t think about it long—go and do life differently.
Reporting out:
March and April are our busiest months of the first half of the year. 7 retreats in March (pus 2 Women’s)
Numbers are looking up and we are praying for lives to be changed man by man.
We will host an inaugural retreat in Pennsylvania at the end of March.
Upcoming Trainings
Tips and tricks:
One way to describe what a man will receive is to talk about grace.
Most people can give a definition of grace. But can they actually say they have felt much grace?
Our retreat offers an opportunity to truly feel grace.
As always, I am available to you if you need any other guidance. bmyers@thecrucibleproject.org
Upcoming Retreats:
Be in prayer for these retreats:
Groups:
Support your community by starting a new Exploration Group, Journey Group or Growth Group.
Continue to follow up with men and keep them engaged. You can engage them by encouraging them to lead Exploration groups. You can gather men and create a Journey group. Men can join a curriculum driven Growth Group. It is never too late to join the 2-year program.
If you have started a new group you will need to register your groups on the website – Group Leaders, fill out the form that’s on this page ASAP!!
Go to https://thecrucibleproject.org/redwoods/groups/ . Log in to the REDWOODS section if prompted. Scroll to the bottom of the page and locate the section titled 'FOR CURRENT GROUP LEADERS'. Click the GROUP LEADER FORM button and complete all required fields carefully. Once submitted, you will receive an email confirmation that your group is live on the Groups
Finally:
Negative emotions are not our enemies. They serve an important purpose. They serve as an alarm to alert us that something needs our attention. Our problems arise when they are triggered by false beliefs or when we cannot quiet them. Warner and Coursey, The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled People
Blessings
Becoming Trapped in an Awareness Loop
What an extraordinary gift the ministry of The Crucible has been for so many. I have personally witnessed lives transformed—husbands renewed, families restored, relationships healed—through the work we are privileged to steward.
And yet, like any ministry that works deeply with the human soul, there are places where we can stumble.
One of those places is what I call an “Awareness Loop.”
What Is an Awareness Loop?
It often starts well.
I step into a powerful piece of soul work. I gain clarity. I become aware of the source of my wounding and the internal messaging that has been shaping my behavior. Endorphins are released. I feel lighter. Clearer. Relieved. Even hopeful.
For a while, I carry that feeling with me. Life seems smoother. My relationships feel easier.
Then something happens.
I’m triggered. I react in a familiar way. And once again, I return to do more work. I dig in and uncover another layer:
“Ah—there it is. That’s my mom’s messaging again. Now I see it.”
And I walk away thinking, Okay, now I can move on with my life.
This is where the danger lies.
When Awareness Becomes the Destination
The Awareness Loop can quietly become addictive. Some even refer to this pattern as “wound worship.” The work becomes about discovery rather than transformation. Insight replaces obedience. Awareness substitutes for change.
But awareness—by itself—was never the goal.
The goal of our work is not merely to see our patterns, but to live differently because of what we see.
The deeper questions are always:
- What step must I now take to respond differently?
- Who am I choosing to become?
- What new action will embody this awareness?
A Scriptural Warning
This dynamic echoes a warning Jesus gives in Matthew 12:43–45. While the passage is spoken into a specific context, many theologians suggest it points to a broader truth: deliverance without discipleship is incomplete.
Debating exactly who Jesus was addressing misses the point.
A life truth embedded in the parable is this:
Change without a commitment to new action can leave us worse off than before.
Walking Differently
This is why we teach men, from the very beginning of the Weekend, Jacob’s story.
After wrestling with God, Jacob did not simply walk away enlightened. He walked away changed. He walked with a limp. His name was transformed. And notably, as we follow his story forward, we no longer see him living as a deceiver.
He walked differently.
The Invitation
The invitation before us is to remain mindful of the trap of the Awareness Loop—and to refuse to settle there.
Awareness is a doorway, not a destination.
Insight is a beginning, not a conclusion.
The real work is to commit to walking differently.
Announcement:
We are excited to announce that we have hired Chris Modrzejewski as the Men's Ministry Assistant. Chris comes with a strong background in ministry as he has a been an associate Pastor in his Church for over 2 decades. Chris is a certified Retreat leader and has been in improtant part of this work in Chicago and across the US. Welcome Chris!
The year is up and running. Five retreats in January (Mexico, Mid-Atlantic, Colorado, Brownwood, TX, and Florida) resulted in 110 new Redwoods.
As busy as that was, February and March will be the busiest of our early year.
Thanks for staffing, inviting, and praying for these and upcoming retreats.
Upcoming Trainings
- All trainings are located at the following link within the Redwoods page: https://thecrucibleproject.org/training-schedule/
- Lisa Modrzejewski is leading a daytime Advanced Process Training weekly for the next few months. Check the website for the dates and which training she is offering next.
- Houston will be offering Introduction to Facilitation Training in March, led by John Casey.
Tips and tricks:
When inviting men to join us on a retreat, be careful to not focus solely on healing, wounds, lies, etc.
Other gifts and awarenesses of our retreat are a deeper dive into integrity, blessing, authenticity, connecting to the heart, and grace.
Listen intently to how a man is living his life. Point to how we can offer a look into that part of him as he strives to love as God’s man.
As always, I am available to you if you need any other guidance.
Take the Wisdom Journey Home Elders Retreats:
Our world, including Crucible, needs servant elders – those who model and share their godly character and serve willingly and intentionally. It’s time for us to shift out of our first half of life's "heroic journey"- that which got us where we are - to the second half of life's "wisdom journey", where we bring openhanded grace to share what we have learned with wisdom and humility. It’s easy to become old without maturity, to be opinionated without understanding, and wanting respect without having earned it. This retreat will initiate us on our elder journey together to grow as people of character, acceptance, and understanding. This retreat will help us bring our eldership with purpose and intentionality into our worlds.
- May 26-29, Initial – Rockford, IL (co-gender)
- Sept 28-Oct 1, Initial – Waukesha, WI (men)
Learn more or register here
Upcoming Retreats:
Be in prayer for these retreats:
- March 13-15, Initial – Chicago
- March 13-15, Initial – Connecticut
- March 13-15, Mission – Colorado
- March 20-22, Sexuality – Mexico
- March 20-22, Initial – Dallas/Ft. Worth
- March 27-29, Leadership Darkside – Brownwood, TX
Groups:
Support your community by starting new groups at the first of the year.
Beyond Resolutions: A Better Way to Step Into the New Year
I’ve never been particularly inspired by New Year’s resolutions. Writing a list of things I shoulddo, rarely moved me to meaningful change. In fact, for much of my life, traditional goal-setting felt flat and disconnected—more obligation than transformation.
Over the last few years, that’s changed.
What helped wasn’t a better list or stronger willpower, but a shift in how I approached the question of growth. Instead of starting with goals, I learned to begin with reflection and identity. I tried this approach with a group of men I was walking with at the time, and each of us found it both challenging and grounding. It’s since become my preferred way of stepping into a new year—not as a rigid formula, but as a guiding framework.
It starts here: reflection matters. It’s hard to move forward honestly without first sitting with where you’ve been. When you allow yourself to fully acknowledge what you’ve lived, learned, and accomplished—without minimizing or inflating it—you create solid ground to build on.
From there, the process unfolds in stages.
First, ask yourself what you want in the coming year. Not the steps. Not the strategy. Just the wants. Let yourself brainstorm freely.
Next, go deeper: What kind of man do you want to be? Reflection reveals who you’ve been; this question invites you to grow beyond it. It’s about stepping more fully into the man God created you to be, not becoming someone else.
Then, take time to envision that man. How does he live his days? How does he act under pressure? What does he do when he wakes up in the morning? How does he treat his family, his friends, his coworkers—and himself? What does his walk with God look like, and where does it still need strengthening?
Only after that do goals begin to make sense.
Based on the man you want to become, identify goals that align with his character. Start broad, then get specific. Finally, be honest—are these goals both challenging and realistic?
Just as important is naming what might get in the way. External obstacles matter, but so do internal ones: fear, avoidance, selfishness, old patterns. Ignoring these creates blind spots before the year even begins.
What pain must you experience to grow? Growth also requires pain. Every meaningful transformation does. Scripture reminds us that struggle has a purifying role, and every great life has been shaped by resistance. The question isn’t if pain will come, but whether we’re willing to engage it with purpose.
Finally, identify your first concrete action. Not someday—when. Specific steps, taken early, create momentum.
This isn’t about perfection or pressure. It’s about alignment. Use what’s helpful here. Let it prompt reflection. And step into the new year not just with goals—but with intention, clarity, and courage.
Reporting out:
We are in full swing with upcoming retreats. Maryland just finished another successful retreat with another awesome group of men joining the Redwood family.
Be mindful that there are several retreats all over the world in the upcoming months.
Upcoming Trainings
Tips and tricks:
Recruiting: I wanted to share with you a great method of conversation that our Board member/Retreat Leader/Carpet Leader Kenny Cox shared with me and his community:
As always, I am available to you if you need any other guidance. Email me.
Upcoming Retreats:
Be in prayer for these retreats:
Groups:
Support your community by starting new groups at the first of the year.
Continue to follow up with men and keep them engaged. You can engage them by encouraging them to lead Exploration groups. You can gather men and create a Journey group. Men can join a curriculum driven Growth Group. It is never too late to join the 2-year program.
If you have started a new group you will need to register your groups on the website – Group Leaders, fill out the form that’s on this page ASAP!!
https://thecrucibleproject.org/redwoods/groups/
Finally:
Joy: The Joy of the Lord is deeper than our circumstances. It is at a soul level. And is unaffected by our happiness or lack thereof.
Much like identity, being the same person everywhere all the time.
If I have the Joy of the Lord, then my circumstances may affect my happiness, but not my Joy.
Blessings
The End is Near…
December 2025
When someone says the end is near, most of us picture a wild–eyed guy on a street corner holding a cardboard sign. Or our minds drift toward apocalyptic movies, doomsday predictions, and ominous warnings best left to late–night preachers. But Jesus said those same words—the end is near—and he said them while he was still walking around in dusty sandals.
That alone should make us pause.
Because in God’s time, the end is always near. He doesn’t live inside our thin sliver of minutes and years. He moves in eternity, and compared to eternity, even a million–year–old earth is nothing more than a blink. So of course, the end is near—everything is near in the presence of the One who stands outside time.
But there’s another angle that’s a little more personal. If you’re over forty, you know this in your bones: most of us are likely closer to the end than the beginning. And when you start living with that awareness—not morbidly, but honestly—different questions rise to the surface.
If the end truly is nearer today than it was yesterday, how do I want to live? And why am I not already living that way?
And then there’s the simple reality of the calendar. It’s December. The end of 2025 is near. The year itself is winding down, closing its own small chapter in our story. So maybe this is a good moment to stop and pay attention. I think there are three or four questions worth holding as the year wraps up.
First: What can you celebrate?
What has God done in your life this year? What was beautiful? Where did joy show up? What moments made you grateful to be alive? Most of us rush past these without slowing down long enough to notice.
Second: What could have been better?
Not from a place of shame—just honesty. Maybe there were choices that left a mark, injuries you’re still carrying, patterns you don’t want to repeat. 2025 had lessons; name them before you outrun them.
Third: What do you want to do differently going into 2026?
I’m not talking about New Year’s resolutions. Those are usually big; loud promises we abandon by February. I’m talking about simple, faithful shifts. What’s one thing you want to live better in your own life? In your family? In your work? And most of all, in the kingdom? Where is God nudging you—maybe gently, maybe insistently—toward the next good thing?
And that leads back to the heart of the matter:
If you know the end is near—of your life, of this year, of this season—how do you want to live now?
Because that’s really the only place any of us are given to live: now. Not at the end. Not at the beginning. Right here, in the middle, with God whispering, this is the moment.
What will you do now?
Reporting Out
We have ended the year on an increase in retreat attendance. Last year we had 40% increase in Men’s initial retreat registrations and we are on the same pace this year. Awesome news!
2026 is promising.
Upcoming Trainings
The Men’s Ministry and Women's Ministry are coordinating calendars to schedule upcoming trainings for 2026. We are awaiting the trainers' dates and will publish as soon as we have them. Stay tuned for the 2026 schedule soon.
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January-February, Thursdays 9:00 AM – 11:00 AM: Advanced Process Training: Sovereign & God-Split, Risk Manager & What’s at Risk with Lisa Modrzejewski. Sign up here.
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March-April, Thursdays 9:00 AM – 11:00 AM: Advanced Process Training: Sage & Predator, & Shadow Reversal with Lisa Modrzejewski. Sign up here.
- All of these trainings can be found on our Redwoods Training Schedule page.
Tips and Tricks
Even though it is holiday season, look for opportunities to talk about how this work has changed you.
In fact, you may likely be face-to-face with some who trigger your old self. Show off who you are now and like Peter said in 1 Peter 3:15 …always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have… We have hope in Christ, always. And you have even more in living Kingdom-minded based on the work you have done.
As always, I am available to you if you need any other guidance.
Upcoming Retreats
Be in prayer for these retreats:
- January 9-11, Initial - Bergton, VA
- January 9-11, Initial – Mexico
- January 23-25, Initial - Colorado
- January 30-February 1, Initial – Brownwood, TX
- January 30-February 1, Initial – Florida
Groups
Support your community by starting new groups at the first of the year.
Continue to follow up with men and keep them engaged. You can engage them by encouraging them to lead Exploration groups. You can gather men and create a Journey group. Men can join a curriculum driven Growth Group. It is never too late to join the 2-year program.
We need all our group leaders to register their groups on the website – Group Leaders, fill out the form at the bottom of this page ASAP!!
Reach out to Men's Ministry if you have questions about groups and/or group leading.
Finally
What makes persona? It is a role that we play and we begin to identify as that role. So, when someone does not accept our role and we become defensive or angry or frustrated, we are now in persona. We have identified with that role rather than identify as who we are (in Christ) and the role we play.
Blessings,
Byron Myers
Act Like a Man…
What does it mean to be mature? And what images surface when we hear the word immature? Many of us picture a man doing something foolish—like riding his bike off a roof—and label that immaturity. Yet that kind of risk-taking is more accurately a poorly planned adventure than true childishness.
In 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul writes, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” Paul isn’t condemning playfulness or curiosity. He is pointing to a deeper pattern—one that shows up most clearly in our emotional lives.
Most men don’t wake up intending to erupt at their wives, children, or coworkers. Yet something happens in the middle of an ordinary day, and suddenly a man finds himself flooded with anger or fear. Later, he often wonders, Where did that come from?
Much of the answer lies in how God designed our brains. Our emotional and relational centers move as fast as a plane, while our logical reasoning moves more like a train. When we are young, the emotional system develops first, without the life experience needed to understand or name what we are feeling. Wounds from that season can settle in our hearts without any logical framework to help us process them.
As adults, those unprocessed experiences can resurface in surprising ways. A familiar tone of voice, a certain phrase, or a moment of stress can activate old emotional memories. And in that instant, the child-version of us reacts before the man has time to engage. The result is an out-of-balance response—rage, withdrawal, sarcasm, control, shutdown. The emotion is real, but the reaction belongs to the boy, not the man.
We can use the metaphor of a bus: you are the driver, and somewhere behind you sits your inner boy. Ideally, he rides along safely while the adult you makes the decisions. But when we’re triggered, that little boy reaches forward, grabs the wheel, and starts steering as though he’s in a game of Mario Kart. He’s convinced danger is ahead, but he lacks the maturity and perspective to navigate it.
This may be part of what Paul meant by “childish ways.” And one of the most childish beliefs men tend to hold is that we can simply will ourselves into maturity. But maturity is not self-manufactured—it is formed with Jesus.
The invitation is not for Jesus to magically “fix” the boy inside us. Rather, we ask Him to walk with us as men into that wounded space. Jesus helps us uncover what our younger selves longed for at the moment of pain. He brings truth to the boy’s confusion and logic to the boy’s fear.
Jesus also helps us recognize triggers in real time. He reminds us that the present moment is not the past story. And when we inevitably overreact, He empowers us to recover quickly—repenting, repairing, and restoring what was harmed.
There is no formula for maturity, but there are faithful steps we can take to “meet Jesus in the gap”:
Step Back: Pause. Ask yourself, Who is driving right now—the man or the child? Is this reaction childish?
Pray: This isn’t polished or formal prayer. It sounds like, “God, what is going on with me here?”
Ask Jesus: Invite Him to show you what is true and to reveal the lies you are hearing. Reject those lies in His name, and let Him speak truth over you.
Recover: Reflect with honesty. What wound or fear rose up? What part of the child took over? If sin occurred, repent. And wherever harm was done, restore the relationship quickly.
Growing into maturity is a lifelong process of letting Jesus integrate our story—past and present—so the man He is shaping in us can truly take the wheel.
Reporting Out
Now the year begins to wind down. Our only initial retreat left this year is the Houston retreat, December 5-7. Mission is offered on the same dates in Connecticut.
However, just because only two retreats remain for 2025, does not mean the planning for 2026 starts in 2026. Recruiting (both staff and participants) for 2026 is now. In fact, the most effective mentality is one of, “Who needs this?” year-round.
Upcoming Trainings
The Men’s Ministry and Women's Ministry are coordinating calendars to schedule upcoming trainings for 2026. We are awaiting the trainers' dates and will publish as soon as we have them. Stay tuned for the 2026 schedule soon.
-
January-February, Thursdays 9:00 AM – 11:00 AM: Advanced Process Training: Sovereign & God-Split, Risk Manager & What’s at Risk with Lisa Modrzejewski. Sign up here.
-
March-April, Thursdays 9:00 AM – 11:00 AM: Advanced Process Training: Sage & Predator, & Shadow Reversal with Lisa Modrzejewski. Sign up here.
- All of these trainings can be found on our Redwoods Training Schedule page.
Tips and Tricks
Pay attention to where those around you are in their lives. Gracefully speak some of the concepts of integrity, responsibility, blessing, etc. into them. Show them what your retreat follow up has been for you.
As always, I am available to you if you need any other guidance.
Upcoming Retreats
Be in prayer for these retreats:
- December 5-7, Initial – Houston, TX
- December 5-8, Mission - Connecticut
- January 9-11, Initial - Bergton, VA
Groups
Continue to follow up with men and keep them engaged. You can engage them by encouraging them to lead Exploration groups. You can gather men and create a Journey group. Men can join a curriculum driven Growth Group. It is never too late to join the 2-year program.
We need all our group leaders to register their groups on the website – Group Leaders, fill out the form at the bottom of this page ASAP!!
Reach out to Men's Ministry if you have questions about groups and/or group leading.
Finally
Who you truly are: You are not the sum of your wounds. They helped you to grow. Now go a be the man you know you are called to be.
Blessings,
Byron Myers