Next Steps

Only 10 Days Left to Make a Difference

December 2024

There are just 10 days left to make a lasting impact through the Crucible Project. Every year, men and women find freedom, healing, and purpose by attending a Crucible retreat, but none of this would be possible without the financial support of donors like you. Your contribution provides the opportunity for someone to experience transformation—whether through helping with the cost of their retreat, providing ongoing mentorship and support, or training for leaders so more retreats can happen. The clock is ticking, and your donation today can make a real difference in someone’s journey. There is no better time than now to give and change a life.

The following letter was written by a participant who experienced the life-altering impact of a Crucible retreat and highlights the transformation that is made possible by your donations. It’s a story of deep struggle and hope, of financial hardship met with grace, and of the unyielding power of community. Read her journey, and know that your donation is part of a much bigger story.

It was dark. I was pacing and I was angry. More than anything else I wanted to punch Scott Selby in the face and yell, “THIS. IS. NOT. NARNIA!” 

Let me rewind about a year.

The Winter of 2022 found me laying on a chiropractic table trying to stop myself from sobbing in front of a doctor I barely knew. I was there to seek treatment for a wrist injury caused by a long battle with rheumatoid arthritis, an autoimmune condition which, at least in my case, is exacerbated by stress and lack of sleep.

I was also in the final stages of making the decision to flee an abusive marriage after six years. As you might imagine, I wasn’t sleeping much, nor was I particularly relaxed. My life was a mess, which made me all the more desperate to win this battle against my body. I needed a win, and I started seeing Dr. Selby, a local chiropractor, for treatment twice a week. It was during these regular treatments that I first learned about The Crucible Project. At the time I knew only about the men’s weekends and ongoing mentoring program and I wished desperately that my husband would consider participating, but as the weeks went on it became apparent it was too late. Things had gotten too bad, and it was no longer safe for my daughters and I to remain in the home.

I filed for divorce in the first few weeks of 2023 and watched my world explode. My girls and I moved in with my parents and became dependent on them as I sought to support my family on a single income with no help from their father. I had to keep working to pay for daycare, lawyers, doctors appointments, therapy, diapers, and expenses, but I had to miss work for court and lawyer meetings, doctors appointments, and therapy. When I wasn’t at work, in meetings, or at appointments, I was trying to maintain some semblance of normal for my daughters. I wasn’t sleeping, I was barely eating, and I was hanging by a rapidly fraying thread. I was able to hold the façade of things being ok in public, but when those closest to me would ask me how I was managing it all, I found myself saying, “I feel like a shark. I just can’t stop swimming or I’ll die.”

That’s when Julie Davis invited me to attend a women’s Crucible weekend. I barely knew what it was but it felt like a lifeline and I wanted it desperately. I filled out the registration even as I baulked at the cost. I knew there was no way I could afford it, but I checked the box asking for information on financial assistance and pressed submit.

A while later I received an email with the financial assistance application and my heart sank. While I respected the request to ask 5 people in my life to support my weekend financially, I couldn’t fulfill the task. My community was already supporting my family financially as I tried to juggle daycare and living expenses alongside legal fees—there was nobody left to ask. I responded explaining that this wasn’t an option in my situation and that I would have to take some time to save up an attend a different weekend sometime in the future.

My future Crucible brothers and sisters had other plans though. It was not long after I sent that email that Julie was back in my office letting me know that donations had been made to cover the portion of the cost that I couldn’t afford. I was simultaneously filled with hope and with terror. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but somehow, I knew this was where I needed to be.

At one of my next appointments, I asked Dr. Selby if my arthritis would be a problem on the weekend, noting that I had no idea what to expect. He responded, “it will be unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. Think of it like stepping through the wardrobe into Narnia.” I tucked that tidbit away and promised myself that I would run at any mention of Turkish Delight on the weekend. 

I arrived at my weekend as a prisoner desperate for freedom. Had you interviewed me in the hours before I arrived at Riverwoods I would have told you I was the prisoner of my ex-husband. Every word I said and action I took was measured to avoid fallout with him, even after our divorce, and I saw him as the root of all of my problems. What I would come to learn, though, is that the roots ran much deeper and the prison was built of my own shame, insecurities, and fear. It was time for a jail break.

On my weekend I met my warrior. She’d been there all along, but I’d clothed her so heavily in fear that she could barely move. I’d stripped her of her sword because I bought into the lie that “good Christian women” shouldn’t have those, and I’d left her with little more than a shield and a couple broken fingernails to shoulder the crushing weight of my shadow. With the support of my sisters, I was finally able to identify the lies and shame I’d allowed to cage me, and I was given a chance to break free—but that wasn’t enough. I needed to fight back. My warrior needed her sword. With my sisters at my side, I fought back against the lies and the shame with everything I had in me. I don’t know how often safety is called on a woman wielding a pool noodle, but it was called that day. Truth exploded from me in an unstoppable torrent until the only words left were “I am enough.” I no longer felt the need to keep swimming. I no longer felt crushed under the weight of my prison. I felt as light and as free as a sparrow, gliding through the air with God’s eye upon me.

As anyone who goes through an initial weekend knows, this was not the end of my work—the journey continues. I returned home with a new curiosity. The following months saw this work and these lessons rippling out into many other areas of my life. I began noticing unhealthy patterns I had been seeding in my relationships with my daughters and began working to correct them. I identified a lack of integrity in my relationships characterized by my willingness to be transparent about my experiences without being vulnerable about areas I was still bleeding. I leaned into some challenging dynamics with my parents and began to see meaningful change in our relationship. I walked into interactions with my ex-husband with my warrior and my sage standing tall rather than hiding in my shadow. The work was and is far from done, but I am not who I was before.

The initial weekend was not Narnia, but it was unlike anything I ever experienced before. I don’t know that anything short of walking into the depths of my shadow in this context could have ever brought the level of healing and growth that has come over this past year. I do know that none of it would have been possible without all of the brothers and sisters who had gone before me—likely many of you reading this now. Those who gave financially to support the cost of my weekend. Those who gave of their time to staff and facilitate. Those who entered into prayerful battle to fight for us in the spiritual realms. Those who continued to walk alongside through growth groups and mentoring and friendship. This Redwood cannot and does not stand alone and I am more grateful than I have words to express.

This ministry has changed my life. It has changed my family. It has paved the way for my daughters to grow up free from some of the shadows that have imprisoned me and generations before me. There is still much work to be done, but I know I will not be doing it alone.

The Crucible Project changes lives, and the support of generous donors fuels this transformation. With only 10 days left in this year’s giving season, now is the time to take action. Your financial support helps break down the barriers preventing people from stepping into healing and growth. The work is far from over, and more lives are waiting to be changed. Donate today, and help make sure that more people can experience the life-changing impact of the Crucible Project. Every gift counts, and every gift makes a difference!