The Truth You Don’t Want to Hear About Change

Too many in our faith have promised roses and joy if you commit your heart to Jesus. If you love God enough and your faith is strong enough, you will not have financial hardships, illness, sadness, anger, grief, or fear. Your relationships will be joyful and connecting.

That has not been my experience. I’ve witnessed too many good Christ-followers encounter deeply painful life-changing events. The unexpected passing of a loved one. A cancer prognosis with no hope, financial bankruptcy, persistent mental illness, and unexpected endings to long relationships.

Jill was 7 years old when the law took her from her mother and boyfriend due to being prostituted for drugs. I met her as she sat in only the hospital gown (her clothes were kept for evidence) in the Children’s assessment center shelter I was running. Jill was scared and wondering where her mother was. The well-meaning intake staff told her she would pray to Jesus with her and that Jesus would be with her through every time she prayed. We got her through the bath and into pajamas and as we were tucking her into bed, the staff reminded her that she can pray to Jesus. Jill said, “but I need someone with skin on to be with me.”

Yes, we need Jesus, our Lord and Savior. Yes, we need to pray! And yes, we need others with skin on to be with us.

The truth is harder to hear. The truth is…

You may have to change for things done to you. We are not responsible for our woundings and trauma. We are responsible for what we do with them. We can live in the chaos of them, live out of the part of us that is constantly watching for and managing potential risks, live in fear to prevent anything like that ever happening again, or we can choose to heal our pain. We choose to do something about it when we sign up for change.

Change is hard. It is a roller coaster that sometimes is a lifelong run. Pray, but don’t stop there. Get into action and feel some progress, but expect to find a mountain or wall. Regroup, push through, pray, and keep after it again.

Change is a process. If change were an event, you and I would be going to that event at every opportunity. It isn’t a one-time thing. You do not come back fully healed from your initial retreat. You aren’t all fixed after going through all the retreats. It is not an event, it is a process.

Friends sometimes block change. The people you hang out with the most may discourage change by expressing their empathy for the pain of change. They are well-meaning, loving you just the way you are. But true friends love you enough to not leave you where you are. Sometimes your people group must change to those who will support the kind of person you are becoming.

Changing you may not keep the relationship. The dance we danced in our marriage before we started our personal growth will change because of our personal growth. It takes two to make a healthy lifelong relationship, but only one to end it. You cannot change how your loved one responds to you, but you are 100% responsible for how you handle their response. Sometimes you will do so much work on becoming a better you and still lose the relationship

Change may not be complete this side of heaven. Being all that God has called you to be in every area of your soul and life is a lifelong journey. Hebrews 6:1 and Philippians 2:12 infer that maturing of our faith and working out our own salvation will be lifelong. We strive toward wholeness while here and know full wholeness is promised in eternity.

I don’t know where Jill is now. A judge gave her back to her mother about six months later. I pray for Jill. There is hope, even for Jill. There is hope for me and you. Change is hard, but it is worth it. I am a better person because I committed to change. As imperfect as I am, I am a healthier soul, husband, father, leader, pastor, counselor, etc. because I began my journey with Crucible.

If you haven't experienced a men's or women's retreat yet, perhaps now is the time for you to take that step in your journey and see what God does when you invest intentional time in change and growth.